by Gina B.
This one is for the men. It’s a cautionary article, because it appears that some of you don’t quite understand. Or maybe it’s that you don’t care. Either way, as you know, men and women are wired quite differently. Some of you espouse the theory that, unlike women, men are not programmed to be monogamous. Yet many of you become very offended when your women have affairs – even though in most cases, you played a part.
I’ve known several women who have been unfaithful. Granted, some of those women have an extra dose of testosterone and have as many problems with fidelity as their male counterparts. But the majority of women who stray do so because something major is lacking in their primary relationship.
Guys, if you can’t identify your contribution to your partner’s wandering eye, let me help you out.
Now, before any of you guys start sighing and complaining about all of the things that your women may have done to cause you to stray, or citing all of the ways that your woman isn’t stepping up to the plate, this isn’t about us and what we’re not doing. I realize that we’re not perfect. But that is a different article for a different time. I’m merely giving you food for thought, and a chance to be introspective.
Remember your behavior when you were in pursuit. Undoubtedly you got us because you made us feel a certain way. You knew what you were doing. You appealed to the very things that made us feel like women. When you were in hunter mode, you made sure that we knew we were beautiful. You complimented us. You proudly displayed us and introduced us to your friends. We were who you wanted to spend time with, versus who you HAD to spend time with. You treated us like princesses – like we were the only women in the room.
Time passes, and we’re together. Maybe you’re comfortable with us, and no longer feel like you should be chasing us. Compliments dwindle, while our responsibilities increase. But what you’ve done is taken away the very thing we loved about you – how you made us feel.
What you guys fail to realize is that there are men waiting in the wings. Men who know exactly which buttons to push. Because, really? Infidelity is all about meeting the right person at the wrong time. Or vice versa, depending how you’re looking at it.
These men are crafty and aggressive and know exactly how to play on our pain points. If another man senses that you’re not paying enough attention to us, he will pay extra attention, be very complimentary, and drop a few hints about how he would treat us if we were together. “Your man doesn’t think you’re beautiful? I do!” “He can’t afford to take you out? I have a great job, and I’m very generous.” “I don’t understand how a man could mistreat a woman of your caliber.”
Some of these men are strangers with whom we strike up conversation (because a neglected woman is often starved for conversation). Others are your friends or acquaintances who have been secretly waiting for a chance with your woman. While they are predatory, they seem to have a strong sense of what we’re missing, and a solution to our problems.
If we’re being smart, we will realize that there is a high likelihood that this new man is full of shit, but we’re vulnerable and can’t be counted on to make good judgments. (And guys, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, compare it to the feeling you get when a sexy woman propositions you for oral pleasure in your car. You might say that you “couldn’t help it.” Well, neither can we.) It could be that we reflect on the moment and realize that we’ve made mistakes, but by then the damage is done.
That said, if your woman has had an affair, ask yourself the following questions:
- Did I pay attention to her? Did I notice things, like when she got a haircut, a new dress?
- Was I taking her out? When was the last time we had fun together? When was the last time I took the time and planned an evening for the two of us?
- Was there a time that she introduced an issue, and I ignored it and chose to do nothing about it?
- Did I appreciate her? Did I realize what she contributed to my life, and show my gratitude?
- Did I live up to what I promised and presented in the beginning?
- Did I keep her satisfied in the bedroom?
- Did I make sure that she knew how I felt about her?
- Was I consistent in my behavior, or did I do a lot to get her, and little to keep her?
Or, in general:
- Was I on my game?
Mind you . . . I'm not saying that cheating is the right thing to do. I'm just telling you how it happens!
In a perfect world, both parties in a relationship should try very hard to do everything to please their partner and treat them in a way that any possible temptations are easy to avoid, if not ridiculous to consider.