Yesterday, I turned 45.
The series of events that actually led up to my birthday have been a bit of a trip. I’m talking the hippest trip.
I couldn’t quite understand why I had been so emotional over the past several months then it hit me…. My birthday was coming. Another year! Moments of reflection! Not being where I want to be but realizing that I’m so not where I was.
My life changed a lot in the past year, all seemingly great things that were propelling me into the direction that I had been fighting for all of my life. Finally my dreams were coming to life more clearly than ever before.
So what is this emotion?
I think that if we all were to look back at our lives we would clearly say, “Hmm now that didn’t go as planned,” or, “I didn’t think that my life would turn out quite like this.” That is the best way that I can describe what I was feeling at that moment.
I found myself feeling very selfish, uncooperative and caring less about the bigger picture because all I could focus on was where I was, that is, where I am in this very moment!
I’ve never been a supporter of lying and I won’t start now. I was jacked up. My emotions were and sometimes still are all over the place.
WHY? Because, I’m 45, I have this big loving heart and I’m still single. I’m not where I want to be economically, as I still have work to do on my credit score. I had plans to be a successful entrepreneur with the bank account to reflect that by now!
So there I was faced with my reality of: NO I am not where I want to be. Not by a long shot! And I was even pouting on my birthday because this was not the life that I had planned for myself.
However, the REAL reality is that we don’t always get to decide on our plans. Sometimes, we must walk away from our plans; be stripped of some things; and/or have some people removed.
Whatever the reason, sometimes, we’re forced to enact plan “B.”
Plan B may not be a happy place, especially when compared to the Plan A that you had envisioned. Still, that doesn’t mean that you get to wallow in your regrets. What you must do is reflect and then create your next best life with the blessings that you currently have.
I know, for a fact, that God specializes in turning the ordinary into the extraordinary.
So here I am at 45 and my Plan B begins with a simple attitude adjustment: I must slow down.
I must respect the speed limit. So here it goes: No, I don’t have all of the answers, I will continue to make and learn from my mistakes; yes I’m single, I have a big, loving heart, I’m not where I want to be, I still have work to do on my credit score and I still have plans on being a successful entrepreneur with a nice bank account to reflect that!
The difference now is that I ACCEPT and OWN this place in my life, knowing that I have some absolutely amazing family and friends who have not only showed up but have literally shown out with their love, support, and shoulders.
Everything else will fall into place when it’s time, because while this 45MPH speed limit may not be comfortable, it is where I am to learn the lessons needed to take me to the next level.
No I’m not where I think that I should be, but I believe that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be, and I’m grateful for all who are willing to be here with me supporting me, encouraging me and loving on me until I felt better about going 45MPH.