I’m an executive recruiter in my corporate life. I don’t tend to cross my two lives, and my relationship columnist alter-ego doesn’t enjoy talking about the Chick with the corporate day job. However, there are moments when my corporate self has things to teach my creative audience. What I’ve learned most from my corporate life is the importance of good decision-making.
I spend most of my day evaluating resumes of senior executives, and I believe that we are the sum of our experiences and decisions.
In my industry, we have A-players – the stellar candidates that everyone wants -- and the ones who fall beneath. What separates the A- and C-players is the ability to make good decisions.
An A-player will have carefully and deliberately planned a career, chosen the right companies, and made sure that his/her roles were solid stepping stones to the ultimate goal.
C-players might be inherently brilliant with a lot of potential, but they’ve inevitably made questionable decisions that could have been serious enough to stall their careers. If they’ve made those decisions in their lives, their effectiveness is questioned.
I’ve learned to have a great deal of respect and admiration for A-players – not just for their accomplishments, but for their foresight and ability to determine the right path.
Which made me wonder . . . when choosing a significant other, why isn’t “good decision-maker” typically in the top tier of necessary traits?
Everyone’s lists of must-haves are clogged with superficial attributes, such as tall, gorgeous, and physically fit. Those things look great in a tux, but if building a life is the end game, don’t you want to be aligned with an A-player?
While you’re at it, ask yourself an honest question -- in life, are YOU an A-player?
The beauty of life is that we have choices, and those choices will dictate your circumstances. We can choose what we do for a living. We can choose our friends. And we should very carefully select our significant others.
I once met a man who was very nice, attractive and seemingly smart.
We got into a conversation about his life, and he wove the tragic tale of his vocational challenges, financial hardships, multiple dependent baby-mamas and questionable living arrangement.
According to him, if he didn’t have bad luck, he would have had none at all.
He said that he needed a good woman to help him get on track.
I carefully delved into his motives and thought processes. The more he talked, I realized that there was no luck involved – bad or otherwise. He had made a series of terrible choices, and if I would have dated him, he might have snatched me down that rabbit hole with him. I could have dated him and tried to be a good influence, but that would have been a horrible decision on my part. No thanks.
I’ve spent too much time invested in my good decisions to align with someone who was obviously committed to making bad ones.
Granted, everyone has stumbling blocks and moments that have caused clouded judgment. People make mistakes. But it’s always interesting to see how those mistakes are overcome, and whether a speed bump is turned into a roadblock.
When choosing a significant other, ask yourself:
- Would you trust that person to make decisions in your life
- Would your credit score plummet from the damage?
- Do you respect his/her thought processes and past decisions, and if you don’t,
- Can you be established as the dominant decision-maker?
Most important, if you take a good look at the decisions you’ve made and determine that you’re not an A-player, how can you make better decisions and move up the ranks?
The choice is yours.
And, by the way . . . thank you so much for making the decision to read this blog. :0)