An Open Letter to My Exes

An Open Letter to My Exes

By Shoya Bowman 

I’ve had several relationships throughout my dating career.  I call it a career because it seemed like I had been dating all of my life.  I worked hard at it, perfected it and had run into every crazy situation that one could experience while dating.

Well, not every experience but I will say I ran into some real characters. I did learn from my past mistakes, they helped me build my character.  Those mistakes made me who I am today.  I wanted to write a letter specifically to my exes.  Nothing personal but I have something that I want to get off my mind.

Dear Exes,

Thank you, thank you and thank you again for choosing not to stay with me while we were dating. 

Thanks for not having the ability to see my inner beauty, brilliance, loyalty and sincere love. There was a time that I was determined, hell damn near desperate for a mate and I chose you.  I chose you not because you were perfect but because I could see potential in you. 

I tried to fix you.  I tried to fix your flaws before I slowly decided to accept them.  Your baggage became my baggage.  I put you before myself and Lord help me, I put you before my child. 

What was I thinking? 

Why didn’t I recognize that you were no good for me, that you disrespected me and treated the most precious gift, my body, as if I were nothing.  I was merely a friend with benefits but I wanted so much more.  I don’t blame you, I blame myself for not having enough self esteem and respect for myself than to allow you to disrespect me.  I was better than the insults or sly remarks you threw my way. 

I was insulted when you talked about my weight, how I wore my hair, my clothes and the friends I kept.  I am not my hair.  I am not the color of my skin.

I am a woman and I am deserving of a man that treats me like precious cargo.  I am a woman with dreams yet fulfilled.  I want to thank you for not realizing my potential.  I want to thank you for not loving me because now I have a man that deserves my love and appreciates me for me.

A man that compliments me, one who allows me to walk next to his side not three steps behind.  He is the man that God designed perfectly for me.

I thank you for not loving me. But I do wish you the best.

Love your ex,


It is my hope that all women in similar situations recognize your worth.

Stay Focused!

Your Chick,


Editor's Note: Meet Shoya's new man here.  Shoya's official Six Brown Chick bridal shower will take place on April 20, 2013, and we will keep you posted on the details.





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  • fb_avatar

    Its always a wonderful thing how God takes what man meant to use to harm us, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done.
    I love this post...

  • fb_avatar
    In reply to Laverne AsIam:

    Thanks so much Laverne. God is so awesome! Shoya :)

  • I am glad you found the right mate.

    This i a good lesson for women to consider, too, when they find themselves the "ex" as by choice of the male.

    Not many men are regarded as "precious cargo" by women, who will find and expound consistently in every human flaw. These men are regarded as appliances that better work according to the instructions and not as one of God's creatures.

    I work in a woman dominated business, and often, when they forget I am around, I hear them rip into their guys constantly. Some are legitimate complaints, but some are to the effect that "Johnny" is working so many hours, followed by the complaint that there is not enough money in the household.

    Again, congrats. Most men regarding this subject just keep it to themselves, because what they think, for the most part, does not matter -- on a societal basis and not individually.

  • fb_avatar
    In reply to Richard Davis:

    It's me Shoya! Thanks Richard for reading and responding.. Tony is a man that I treat like "precious cargo" as well and I know quite a few women that consider their men as such. I'm also aware that this characteristic is rare. Again thanks for congratulating me. :) Have a great one!

  • fb_avatar

    "A man that compliments me, one who allows me to walk next to his side not three steps behind.  He is the man that God designed perfectly for me." that right there says so much! I love the fact that you said compliment and complete! So many times we look for someone to complete us, when we should already be completed!!! I'm happy that you found the love you deserve!! I pray God keep blessing you!!!!

  • fb_avatar

    Thanks so much Sheana. He does complete me too. I've gotten into debates about saying that and one day I will explain why I feel this way so keep watching. I'm thrilled to have Tony. :) Thanks for reading and responding.

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