By Gina B.
Everyone says that trust is the strongest element of a relationship. So . . . what exactly does that mean? Does it mean that you trust that person to catch you during a free fall? Do you expect to be able to put that person in any situation and they’ll have your back? Is the belief that they’ll resist all temptation and act in your best interest?
My definition is different than most. I trust people to do what I think they’ll do in given situations. It all depends on who I’m dealing with.
Everyone has their foibles. I’ve dated men that I trusted to show up on time and call when they said they would. With other women, however? Not so much. There have been others (not many) that were completely faithful, however if I had an appointment or engagement, they could not be trusted to deliver me in a timely fashion (which was aggravating, because I’m all about being on time). Some would have done whatever I asked, except tell the truth. Maybe they weren’t blatant liars (although some were), but there was an infuriating faction who didn’t consider their intentional omissions to be out-and-out lies. I’ve even dated a few men who were completely attentive and trustworthy until they became focused on work, and then everything I asked or needed took a back seat.
You might consider all of the men discussed in the previous paragraph to be horribly flawed people. But, if you think about it, each of those men were trustworthy in specific areas. I’m just not sure that any of them have been 100% trustworthy – or the kind of trustworthy that I required.
Hell, I’m not really sure if I am either. I consider myself to be extremely trustworthy – I don’t cheat, I don’t make a practice of lying, and if you’re on my team, I will have your back until the end. But don’t leave me in charge of a good bottle of wine, or put me in a room full of gorgeous dresses and give me your credit card. I would try with all of my might, but I’m not sure I could succumb to the pressure. (Although I would happily pay you back.)
We want to stay away from certain forms of untrustworthiness. For example, I don’t care if he picks you up on time – if you can’t trust him not to steal from you, disrespect you, abuse you, or engage in any other behavior that is damaging to your person or psyche, he is not worthy or your trust or your time. Period.
Everyone has a different approach to this. We all have our sticking points. To some, fidelity isn’t important as long as he can be trusted to provide an abundant lifestyle.
I’ve tried to find the person that’s trustworthy in the ways that I require -- because I DO believe that once the trust has been chipped away, the foundation of your relationship becomes very unstable. I've determined that I need a man that I can trust not to be a cheater and one that will tell me the truth – in every form, irrespective of how I might react. I need one that I can rely on. I need to be able to trust him with my feelings.
Now . . . nobody’s perfect. I'm not sure that anyone is unequivocally trustworthy in each and every area, so I can concede on a few small things that aren't deal-breakers, like if he’s occasionally late, or if he becomes focused on work, or has a habit of eating my coveted leftovers.
While I’m aware that there will be circumstances in which our trust is tested in the big areas, I can only hope that he will consider my feelings before making decisions in those situations.
Because if he doesn’t, he can trust me to break up with him.
Leave a comment, or connect with me on Facebook, and tell me your definition of trust.