by Gina B.
Last week I made a strong assertion about being decidedly pro-single. I still maintain that being single is a choice that we make until we’re ready, and have found the right person. This week, as a person who’s in a good relationship, I’m wondering how many of those who claim to be ready to ditch their single status are actually going about it the right way. Have you asked yourself the really important question, which is “would you date yourself?”
I don’t ride the train much, but I should make it a part of my regular routine because the el is a hotbed of people-watching and stellar eavesdropping.
A few weeks ago I was on the Red Line, sitting in one of those seats that face the opposite direction toward the end of the car. A couple of rows behind me, I overheard an animated conversation between two women about the sub-par men they’d met recently.
In aggregate, the issues were that these men were out of shape, unprofessional, “didn’t have their shit together,” and a few of them were still occupying their childhood bedrooms at their parents’ homes. The ladies smacked on what sounded like apples as they continued lambasting their selections of men. Apparently, a few of the guys were vocationally-challenged, not handsome, poorly dressed, and from what I gleaned, at least one had some . . . well . . . “motivational issues” going on south of the belt – if you know what I mean.
It was all I could do to keep myself from laughing out loud. (I restrained myself because, while it’s clear that other riders can hear your conversation on the el, it’s against protocol to laugh or comment.) At minimum I needed a visual, so I subtly found a way to turn around and get a look at the women.
Based on their conversation, I expected polished professional, well-dressed attractive women. The kind whose appearances would spark me to ask where they shopped or who did their hair.
Not so much.
Instead, I saw two greasy-haired unkempt women, both of whom were wearing run-down gym shoes, and clothes that were straining to contain their bodies. Their un-manicured fingers were a disturbing shade of orange from sharing a bag of some sort of crunchy snack food (either Cheetos or Doritos) that was concealed in a paper bag -- as opposed to the apples that I envisioned.
Again, I had to restrain myself from switching seats to give them some food for thought.
Here’s the problem . . . the men that those women were talking about? The ones they can’t find? The professional cute ones who are well-dressed, have their shit together, and clock major hours in the gym? Those men? Would never be interested in them. Those men? Are looking for women who are essentially female counterparts of themselves.
And I can’t say that I blame them.
I’ve always believed that the best way to attract it is to be it. Yes, opposites do often attract, however most people that are working toward personal goals enjoy connecting with like-minded others.
If you don’t like what you’re attracting, look in the mirror and honestly evaluate what you see. Are you the opposite sex version of the person that you want to be with? Or, do you have qualities that your ideal mate would respect and admire? If not, you have some changes to make.
Take a look at your list and see where there might be inconsistencies between what you want, and what you can attract.
For example, ladies, if you want to meet a man who works out, go the gym and develop a health regimen. You’ll feel better, and you’ll meet other fitness-oriented people in your journey.
At the same time, be honest in your endeavors. If the idea of picking up a dumbbell makes you break out in hives, consider dropping that criteria from your list of must-haves in a mate.
If you want a guy who’s a go-getter, be a go-getter. If you’ve been secretly eyeing a promotion or change in career, amp up your professional life and step up your game. You’ll have more to talk to him about when you meet him.
But, again, if your favorite parts of the day are lunch and quitting time, a CEO is probably a bad match for you.
Once you become the person that you would date, you’re one step closer to finding the right relationship. It’s a process, but it’s worth it.