The Choice to be Single -- There Are Worse Choices to Make!

The Choice to be Single -- There Are Worse Choices to Make!

by Gina B.

Yes, dating sucks.  It sucks to a great degree.  Yet, people put up with it for the greater good of finding love.  Some people don’t make it to the right finish line.  They want to be in a couple so badly that they remain in a relationship with the wrong person for the sake of settling down.

And that decision?  Irritates the hell out of me.

Although I’m in a relationship, I’m decidedly pro-single.  Let me be clear – I love good, healthy relationships.  But I've dated a lot of creatures, and have spent many years having dinners for one in an effort to wait for the right guy who's worthy of sharing a succulent eight course meal. 

I’m an advocate of people enjoying their lives while holding out for a fulfilling relationship, as opposed to rolling over to look at the snoring warm body on the next pillow and saying, “I guess you’ll do.” 

I understand why some people succumb to the pressure.  Singles face a lot of annoying scrutiny.  Coworkers treat you like a charity case at the holiday party when you arrive solo.  Every time she sees you, senile Aunt Mary (who can't find her underwear half the time) somehow remembers that you're single, and demands to know when you plan to settle down and start a family.   Married friends plan setups with other unmarried friends.  When you finally break down and agree to let them fix you up, you find that the fixup is groundless, and the only thing you two have in common is that you both have fingers and nose hair.  And, really?  You can't get that time back.

While friends and family mean well, the implication is that there is something wrong with you because you’re not half of a pair.  Feel free to ignore those people.  Unless they can provide you with a catalog from which you can order your ideal mate, your relationship status is none of their business.

It’s helpful to remind the nosy nudges that being single is a choice.  A very important choice.  Although we’re in a society that attempts to convince us that marriage is the ultimate goal, it’s much better to make the choice to hold out for a GOOD marriage. 

Making the choice to be single means that you have envisioned what a relationship should be, and you’ve opted not to be desperate enough to pick up a random stranger on the street or share a man who’s taken.  You have standards.  Being single – even when you’re at your absolute loneliness – is much better than being in a bad relationship.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at your friends.  Unfortunately, most of us have at least one friend whose relationship, from the outside, looks like sheer hell. 

Maybe the couple argues about problems that never seem to get resolved.  Or perhaps one half of the couple treats the other like crap.  It could be that they’re cheating on each other, or they’re simply incompatible. 

Whatever the case, none of those conditions should be more appealing than being single. 

I reiterate:  Dating sucks.  However, try to resist the urge to have a time limit on being single.  That timer forces us into monumentally bad decisions. 

I’ve known people whose timers went off, and they took the plunge with whomever they were dating.  Granted, some of them got lucky and made it work.  But a good percentage feel trapped in their relationships.  They envy singles, or couples who held out for what they wanted and got it. 

It’s easy to exist in a half-assed relationship.  It’s much harder – and more rewarding – to be half of a happy couple.  Choose to be single, and choose yourself!


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  • fb_avatar

    Gina, as a single 40 year old living in NYC (With cats no less!) I could agree more with your piece. Love it. And persevere!
    Single in the city - with cat (s)

  • It can be even worse depending in what community your part of. I personally am part of the BDSM community in my city. Now in a community were sexual orientation and sexual fetishes are looked on with out the least bit of discrimination, being a single male gets me looked at like I am some kind of sexual pariah. Because I am a single male all my interest in that lifestyle must only come from the fact that I am looking for a woman. And when I was in a relationship I watched other single guys go through the same thing.

    It saddens me that society finds it okay to be gay or lesbian (and rightfully so) but thinks of a single woman as desperate and a singly guy as some kind of sexual deviant.

  • I like this! Well written and hurrah!!!! I am pretty much the only single gal in my whole group of friends, but I'd rather stay single any day that just date any ol' "Joe" who comes around the corner out of desperation. I plan on waiting until I find someone who is not a settlement, but someone who is amazing! *high fives*

  • I loved your article!!! I admit being single is hard and I dislike the fact that I'm not w/my soul mate. But I know he's out there and would rather wait then date just any guy!

  • fb_avatar

    Thanks, everyone for reading! I suggest that EVERYONE hold out for the right person. In the meantime, I'm an advocate of enjoying single life to the fullest!

    Gina B.

  • In reply to Gina Bee:

    i was just wondering can i take u out!!!!!

  • Great article, Gina...!

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