When the "Family Friend" is a Rapist

When the "Family Friend" is a Rapist

When you are a 20-year-old single mom who is beautiful, working, and living in your own apartment, you tend to feel as if you have it all together.

Until someone rapes you.

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Six Brown Chicks's Dawgelene (Dr. Dawj) Sangster encourages women to seek therapy after an assault, and live a fear-free life. Photo: Africa.

Back then, I was no Miss America ladies, but I had a shape that would stop traffic, the face and smile of an angel, and a voice that could soothe the most aching soul. Okay, I was all of that and more--and it had taken quite a while for me to get to that place.

It took mere minutes to take it all away.

The morning that I was raped began as any morning would.

I got up, fixed my daughter a quick bowl of cereal with bananas and an apple on the side, and then she was off to the sitter, while I headed to work. After I completed my duties at work, I headed home and was ready for a hot summer night. My typical night consisted of dinner with my daughter and a lift to the park to play with her, before taking her to grandma's house, while I played until the wee hours of the night.

It was steamy out, and of course I was dressed the part.

A group of us were listening to music, dancing, and having a great time. I decided that my daughter would stay the night at Grandma's house, so I had to go get her clothes from my house. While I did not want to make trip, I knew that she needed the clothes. However, I could not find anyone from the group to take me because they were having just too much fun.

One volunteer emerged from the sidelines, and it was a family friend that we will call Uncle Cletus. He was seemingly drunk--but I needed a ride--and I just wanted to get the clothes and head back to the group and party for a while longer. I hopped in the ride, he cranked up the music, and we headed to my apartment.

Upon arrival, he asked to use the bathroom.

I thought, it's Uncle Cletus, he's been drinking, and it will only take a second.  Ok, let me insert caption of "don't be so naïve," right here.

We entered my apartment. I headed for the bedroom to get my daughter's clothes, and showed him where the bathroom was located.

As I packed my daughter's bag, I felt a presence in the room. I turned around to find the "family friend" half-naked and looking at me with the most evil eyes.

I laughed it off because I thought, "he's drunk and I need to get him the hell out of my apartment."

 However, it was too late, he charged at me, attacked me, and the rest has become a part of my painful mental and physical history.  It was hell getting out of there and back to my daughter that night.

I was threatened and feared for my life if I ever told, so I never said a word for many years.

Even after getting back to my family, I endured years of being in the same room with him for family functions, because I was mentally afraid that something might happen to me or my daughter.

So why do you need to know about this chapter of my life? You need to know because someone out there has experienced the same horror and she is still living in fear of what may happen if she tells.

You need to know because I don't want your daughters, nieces, sisters or friends, being naïve about certain situations. Watch for the potential warning signs, and just be alert as women.

As I reflect on that night, the warning signs were there, but I did not pay attention to them.

My signs were:

·        He was intoxicated. Never ride in the car with someone who is intoxicated because you risk losing your life and theirs.

·        There were sensual stares and brushing up against me before this night, and that was NOT normal for a family friend that is supposedly considered my "uncle."

·        Do not allow men into your home with the "can I use your bathroom?" ploy. There are plenty of restrooms in public places, send them there.

I will also say that women must take self-defense classes, report it when something like this happens, and seek professional counseling.

Don't allow years to go by as you're held hostage by bottled up hurt, anxiety, and fear of what may happen.

You deserve a fear-free life.

Stand up for you, and claim it.

Sisterly,

Dawj

Comments

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  • Thank You, Thank you, Thank you... Dawj for sharing this very personal story, that I am most certain happens more often than shared. Thank you for thinking of so many others that this may have happened to and sharing the courage for them to get help.
    THANK YOU!!!

  • In reply to YanniBrown:

    Thanks Fabuloous Yanni. It is so important to not be silent.

    Cheers!

  • I too have had this experience and like you not saying anything and still seeing the person at family functions always made me sick to my stomach, I am finaly at a place in my life where I am able to deal with this. Thank You for sharing...

  • In reply to Yashica:

    Way to go Yashica! It is women like us that take our lives back and live with purpose, regardless of past hurts! You go girl!

    Cheers!

  • Thanks Dawj. This type of thing happens all to often. Thanks for sharing such a personal story.... Your Brown Chick,
    Shoya

  • In reply to shoyabowman:

    Hey Brown Chick Shoya!

    Thanks so much for responding and I am honored to help any women move past hurt, even if it takes sharing my personal stories! Ahh, the joy of being FREE!!

  • Thanks for sharing your story. I've read that a lot of molestations happen by people we know. That is so scary. Appreciate the tips.

  • In reply to jtithof:

    Hi Fabulous Jackie!

    Thanks for stopping by and I am here to at least shed light on things that could happen, so that fabulous women like you can at least know a bit more about things that can happen.

    Stay Fabulous!

  • I'm so proud of you for sharing your story....

  • In reply to brandistorm:

    Thank YOU B. Storm for stopping by. I appreciate you for viewing.

    Cheers!

  • In reply to brandistorm:

    Rape is a horrible crime and all women need to understand it's not your fault!! It doesn't matter if you were walking down the street naked,no one has the right to rape you. Do not be ashamed or embarested, it's not your fault. The only person to blame is the asshole piece of crap who raped you!! He man the choice to force himself on your and its all his fault. All rapist should be excuted!!! If any woman who has raped reads this remember its not your fault and you should tell the police no matter who raped you, and no matter how long ago, it might not get him today,but by building a profile on your rapist you could stop him from raping someone else. Ladies don't be afraid to tell!!!

  • In reply to curtis123x:

    Thank YOU Curtis123x! I, as well as other women truly appreciate your support!

    Dawj

  • In reply to brandistorm:

    There is a conspiracy of silence that destroys freedom and happiness. Yes, you missed some of the danger signs but you were violated. TELL someone. Upset the apple cart. Don't be a victim and save another from the anguish of living through the same thing. TELL someone. CALL someone. SHOUT and SCREAM as soon as that person is out of your sight. How many sister/cousins were likely victims. We have to stop the madness. Tell your daughters to tell, tell your sons as well.

  • In reply to Ymoyo:

    Yes, Yes, Yes Ymoyo-gillard! You are so right! We have to be fearless to save someone else from the pain. Thanks for your response!

    Dawj.

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