By Zondra Hughes
Maybe that sexy brother isn’t curbing you after all—he may be focused on getting his finances in order.
Several single men have expressed how financial strife is taking an unexpected toll on their love lives, and they reveal the 6 telltales signs that a man is too broke for love.
1. HE GHOSTS YOU
“I wanted her for awhile,” Jason,* an Uber driver, says as he strokes his well-manicured goatee. “We connected on IG [Instagram], and made plans for coffee. Everything went off the rails after that.”
Jason’s date had to work late, so coffee turned into a more expensive lunch date. “I only ordered a salad or whatever, but she had food and two drinks. She’s sexy, funny, but I can’t vibe with her because the only thing I'm thinking is, ‘I hope my credit card can handle this transaction.’”
Jason’s credit card does cover the $48 lunch date, but it overdrew his account. “I had about $200 in overdraft fees and it made me sick.”
That happened around Christmas, and Jason hasn’t responded to the young woman’s texts since. “I just left her alone,” Jason says. “It’s not her fault, but the thought of her just makes me feel all those bank fees again."
2. HE HAS NO TIME TO MEET UP.
For some men, the gig economy has put a big dent into their social lives. “I’m working two, sometimes three different gigs a week,” Aaron says.
Aaron, 22, drives for Lyft, works part-time at a fast food restaurant and is working on a mix tape. “I’d like to go out, and dress up and shit. But how? When? I rarely have a day off and I rarely have money to spend on someone else. I don’t feel right asking her to pay, or go half, so I just keep to myself.”
3. HE DIPS WITH HIS EX.
“The familiar [woman] is good thing when you have money problems,” Chris, a 42-year-old freelance editor, jokes. “I don’t have to impress her ass. I just text her, sweet talk about reconnecting or whatever, and she gives me what I need; then I’m out. If you’re trying to connect with somebody new, you’re gonna spend, or at least spend a little on yourself to attract her. I'm not at that point right now. Shit, I haven't been at that point in years.”
4. HE AVOIDS YOU DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON.
“This hurts,” Jerry, a 26-year-old substitute teacher, quips. “I really liked TaKeisha, but I met her right after Thanksgiving. We’re vibing and shit, but in the back of my mind, I know Christmas is coming.”
Jerry recalls, “And her birthday was in January--and I didn’t have money for shit. So, I just stopped responding to her around December 15th or so.”
TaKeisha thought Jerry was dating other women, and she moved on, Jerry says. “But I wasn’t dating anybody, I just didn’t have the money for gifts. I thought we’d get back together after the holidays, but that didn’t happen.”
5. HE HAS LOTS OF FEMALE 'FRIENDS'
Charles’ world was turned upside down when his grandmother, who raised him, died suddenly last year. To make matters worse, the 31-year-old graphic designer, lost his contract with a temp agency. Charles was facing funeral costs and the prospect of losing his childhood home all at once.
Fortunately, an army of female friends appeared—and they were bearing gifts.
“Strangest thing, when someone dies in your family, sisters just want to take care of you,” Charles says. “After my grandma passed, every woman in the church started taking care of me. I lost my job and I haven’t had to work since. They collect donations for me, cook for me, one woman even paid my property taxes. And, yes, some of us do what we do, but that stays between us. I know at least two of them are interested in me for a relationship, but why would I date someone, and lose access to all of this collective generosity? I can't make it on my own, not the way I'm living now. I’m good.”
6. HE MOVES IN RIGHT AWAY.
“I’ve been a hobosexual, I’m not gonna lie,” Derek, an unemployed mechanic, laughs. Derek says that right after the presidential election, several people of color lost their jobs at a small family-owned auto repair shop. "I knew my days were numbered, I looked up one day and I was the only Puerto Rican in the building! I took my tools and left."
Derek wanted a change of scenery and he connected with a woman via Facebook to make his move.
“Slid in her DMs, wrote what she needed to read, and she sent me a one-way ticket to stay with her for a while. I had nothing but my Nikes and my ID, and she took me in.”
Derek, who hails from Chicago, didn’t find life in Atlanta too appealing. “Her house looked nice on Facebook, but she must’ve had some filters on it cuz when I got there, the walls were crumbling,” he says. “Big country rats would just stroll across the floor at high noon; they didn’t care.”
After about a month of living with his Facebook love, Derek bounced. “I was tired of pretending that I liked her, just to have a place to stay. If I’m honest, I wanted to like her, but not like that. Not on her turf--and in her house.”
Derek continues. “What I did was selfish, really. Cuz at the end of the day, if a man really wants to be with you, he will make a way to be with you. Job or no job, money or no money, house or no house. If he wants you, he will make a way to be with you.”
Enough said, Derek. Enough said.
Tags: African American relationships, bank fees, Black men, black women, broke, dating, finances, financial instability, ghost, ghosting, gig economy, hobosexual, holidays, Lyft, males, men, money, money woes, relationships, sex, sex with the ex, Uber, Wendy Williams, why do men do that, why do men ghost, zondra hughes