By Shemeka Michelle, author & SBC Correspondent
I recently made a post on Facebook that stated “It took me having a boyfriend after 40, to realize I’m too f#cking old for one.”
While I’m sure the true meaning behind those words went over a lot of heads, I know there are many mature men and women that completely got it! The saying is “Tricks are for kids.” However, so are boyfriends!
Once you mature and understand the responsibilities of womanhood, a boyfriend just won’t do. You need a man that’s secure in himself, and completely understands the meaning of partnership.
I spent the last few years in a relationship that I initially thought would end in marriage. I’ve spent the last two months after its demise, trying to find the right words to explain why I had to walk away.
Too often, I’ve given a blank stare to family and associates when asked the inevitable question….”What happened?”
Of course, there are always two sides to every story. Depending on the version, some would sum me up as a bitchy sex addict who lacked patience, but it’s deeper than that.
Others would argue that because I was paying more than half of the household expenses, it was a sure sign that we wouldn’t progress. I disagree. There are many successful relationships in which the woman carries more of the financial responsibilities. I believe that when you’re in a proposed partnership, you do what you believe is best for the building of an empire. However, it is in that last statement in which the problem lies for many relationships.
WHEN YOU LACK THE ABILITY TO GRASP THE CONCEPT OF A TRUE PARTNERSHIP, YOU LACK THE ABILITY TO BE A GOOD PARTNER!
Any decision that isn’t profitable for both partners isn’t truly profitable. I no longer want to deal with the same old “I’ve been hurt before so I’m scared to give my all.” If you haven’t healed from a past relationship to the point that you can love like you’ve never been hurt, you have not healed. You have no business in a new relationship. Sidebar: Also, who wants to be a cheerleader for a player that just enjoys sitting the bench?
I mean DAMN, do you EVER want to get in the game?
When you’re in a partnership, you should go hard or go home! So, that’s exactly what I did. I packed my shit and moved! Everything happened so quickly, along with outside forces, I didn’t have time to plan. I just knew the lease was ending, and I refused to let more time go by being a glorified blowup doll for the title of girlfriend. Women are told not to settle. Then we’re demonized for having standards. I’ve realized that I’m too old to be with a man that is comfortable half stepping and doesn’t want to be a true partner. I also believe one woman’s trash, is another woman’s treasure. Therefore, I would never insinuate that he couldn’t be the perfect man for another woman.
I just know what I want, what I’m willing to put up with, and I refuse to settle. No man or woman should ever have to.
Remember, when one or both people have the inability or unwillingness to sacrifice or go the extra mile, you will not build and cannot grow!
It’s imperative that you put on the same uniform, follow the plays and work together in order to win as a team.