By A Comeaux
As most of you now, we hosted our 5th annual Black Women’s Expo panel discussion, “He Says/She Says,” where we discussed the multifaceted dynamics of loving a Black man.
While muddling through my personal opinions and the concerns of other sisters, (a few who were battling bitterness and hopelessness), there was a question posed to us that I’d like to address right here, with you.
“How do you make your man feel needed, while remaining independent and true to yourself?”
The discussion dealt with the scenario of the female being the breadwinner in the relationship and what she could do to not make him feel less than [emasculated] because she earns more. She’s concerned about maintaining a happy, wholesome and healthy relationship with this perceived imbalance.
I shook my head in awe because, the thing is, ladies, this shouldn’t be a ‘thing.’
Don’t measure a man by his money; instead measure him by his actions, his honesty and love language.
We have to remove this ‘whoever has the money is the boss’ mentality in our relationships because that’s not the glue that binds.
Our bond can’t be built on what one earns because that can change in an instant.
If ‘he pays the cost to be the boss’ does that minimize your light? Does it give him authority over your life’s accomplishments because he made a good move in real estate? Hell no! Our worth can’t be minimized to our bodies and theirs can’t be glorified by their wallet.
I found the most success in love and dating when I removed sex and money.
Your king should be your king regardless of the numbers on his W2 statement. On the flipside, if you have come to a point in your career where you are compensated and recognized for your work you should be esteemed by this and your king should relish in this with you, not demean your relationship or jeopardize its growth.
Be with someone who makes you bigger, and love them for their treatment of you, beyond what they can afford. Think about it, a woman can run a corporation and her man could be a stay-at-home dad; the point is their kids are cared for, their home is built with unity and they are well-balanced and built on a solid foundation of love, not just money.
If I can leave you with a sound piece of peace, it is to love from a place of honesty.
Invest in a man of integrity.
Never minimize a man due to his finances because that too can change in a day. If you didn’t respect his dollars when yours were larger, how do you think he’ll handle things you once he’s promoted or that garage idea is now a household name?
I’m A Comeaux and while I won’t go out looking for a broke one, a paid one will need the humility of Job because I want a lover of valor and integrity far more than I want a Richie Rich. We may take turns being breadwinners, but we will always reign as one. What’s ours is ours and that’s how we’ll make it.
A Comeaux is the writer, speaker and actor who poetically paints pictures of life and love with a paradoxical perspective. Follow her on Twitter @KCOSpoke
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