By Deya “Direct” Smith
I am here for Ayesha Curry & Beyoncé at the same time. Why? Because at first glance, they may come across as polar opposites at least in terms of how they present themselves to the world, but from where I sit and write, they have mastered the game of softly working their power. ‘Soft Power’ rests on the ability to shape the preferences of others. Soft power is the ability to attract and influence. It’s not always obvious, but it is effective.
Beyoncé is a boss and everyone knows it. She is the epitome of a sexy and super independent woman, or is she? ‘Independent’ is a theme song. But when it comes to her life and lifestyle she is not doing it all alone.
Whereas, Ayesha Curry, the wife of Stephan Curry, arguably the NBA’s hottest star right now, has experienced criticism on social media for everything from expressing her preference to dress more modestly to how she raises her kids. She is known for supporting her husband's endeavors win or lose. On social media, she is all-in demonstrating how she’s on the same team with her man. One example is a video that recently went viral of her showering her disappointed husband with a handful of confetti, causing a huge grin across his face. He was down, and she immediately picked his spirit right up. She consoled him. That was soft power. She used her power to be the answer and to minimize his stress. Not only did she boost his broken spirit, but I promise you, he was the envy of all guys in the locker room. Ayesha has men everywhere wishing their woman made them feel that good, and that makes her an influencer. I bet some of those same players went to the strip club to get relief for their stress.
Now, some women on social media are irritated because they feel she's an old stereotype of ‘what a woman should be’ and they find that offensive.
But wait a minute, Beyoncé is the most Grammy-nominated woman of all time and didn’t Queen Bey and Destiny’s Child have a hit Cater to Your Man? At the same time, she, they have always made songs that encourage independence and self-reliance. So which is it?
Here’s where I enter. In my new book, Soft is the New Power, I discuss how we as intelligent, driven, fly and fabulous women don’t need to check anyone’s box of being a feminist or a stepford wife.
Instead, we need to be intelligent and intentional about what we want in life and in love.
To be great at anything you must study your craft. And to grow successfully, you must be flexible and open to change. Yet, when it comes to relationships with men we tend to wing it. What I’m saying is don’t be book- smart and life-stupid. Further, let’s not be so arrogant to think that everything our grandmothers did when they catered to their men was weak and wrong. Obviously something that they did worked.
Today, we are more accomplished with our education and finances and we are also more alone, if not lonely. If that’s not what you want, then let me take you on the journey to using your soft power to become what I call the Secret Power of a ‘Man Whisperer.’
Peep Game: Power applied with feminine energy can and will enhance your personal and professional life if you’re ready to shift your focus, your mind, and ultimately your approach about what matters most to you. But, it depends on what you’re willing to do to attain it. As the old adage goes, “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” That is, you're going to get what you want with sweetness rather than bitterness. The key is to decide what you really want most in the big picture (to be right, as in right now, which is short term, or to ultimately be happy, which is long term).
In the meantime, it has recently been announced that Ayesha Curry was just got the green light to host a new Food Network show, "Food is my way of making people feel great and warm and happy," Curry said. So basically she used her ability to make others feel good to land her own show. That is more of a boss move than a backwoods anti-feminist step, wouldn’t you say?
Now, imagine if you were able to attract the better relationships and opportunities into your life by using more soft power, would you be willing to work on it?
This is not to suggest that other approaches are not effective. Obviously, being harder or firm is necessary sometimes. This soft focus, however, is significant because it’s a key tool in our arsenal that we have overlooked and forgotten how to maximize—a lost art form.
There are women who are clear on how to diversify their financial portfolios but they are unclear on how to diversify their communication portfolio and invest in their soft power account. In the business world, smart executives know that leadership is not just a matter of issuing commands, but also involves leading by example and attracting others to do what you want.
So you see, “Soft Power” has everything to do with your emotional intelligence and communication skills and approach -- verbally and non-verbally.
When “Soft Power” is working for you, in the words of Kelis that makes you Bossy. And effective bosses know how to get what they want or need.
Known as the ‘Man Whisperer’, Best Selling Author, Producer and Relationship Expert Deya “Direct” Smith writes and produces commentary for your heart, mind and soul. She is also a lead producer for the Tom Joyner Morning Show, a motivational speaker, actress and social commentator. She can be reached directly at www.Deyadirect.net .
Her new book Soft is the New Power: Embracing Your Feminine Edge to Win in Love & Life is available for a special presale price now at http://amzn.to/1N0WkV2 . It officially goes on sale May 17th.
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