To The Men I've Dated: I Am Celibate Because of You

To The Men I've Dated: I Am Celibate Because of You
Posed by professional models.

By Angela T. Jones

When I made a decision to become celibate, it wasn’t in an effort to diminish myself or hinder myself in any way. I made the decision, initially, because I was tired of being fed up in my relationships with men.

Too often throughout my dating experiences, men only were interested in me sexually.

As I’ve gotten older, that isn’t something I want anymore.

A relationship built solely on sexual attraction is not a relationship; it’s sex. Although sex is fun and I’ve had my fair share of it on a casual basis, dating that includes casual sex just isn’t for me anymore. Particularly since I don’t date much for these very reasons.

Turning 40 was the turning point for me.

I’ve been blessed to have great sexual experiences in my rearview mirror. So great in fact, that I wrote a short story collection based loosely on my trysts. The facts of those encounters were altered greatly for creative license, but they are securely stored in my mental folder labeled Rocking Chair Moments.

There have been times when I said I’d be celibate and I’d go a few months or a year at a time without any intimacy or sexual contact with men. However, I felt like something was missing. I desired to be touched so much that when I’d change my mind and get involved with a man, the sex would come too early in the relationship. As a result, no matter what I did, that man would focus solely on the sex.

Who I am as a woman, what my likes and interests are didn’t mean anything.  All that mattered to him was when I was going to get naked again.

I decided to embark on celibacy again and have been doing very well in fact for quite some time.

This time around I don’t have that desire that causes me to make bad decisions about who I share my bed with. This time, I relish in the fact that I have many attractive male options to select from, if I wanted to have sex, but I’m choosing not share myself with any of them. It makes me feel powerful. I’m focused. My instincts are sharper and my discernment is awesome. My sexuality isn’t dampened. I haven’t started dressing like a nun to hide my body. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I feel more confident wearing less clothes and I’m exercising with the mindset of keeping my body in shape as I age, versus hoping a man will notice how good I look and ask me out.

This round of celibacy also gives me something I never really had before; the ability to decide not to invest in anyone that isn’t deserving of me without apology or fear of being alone.

Follow Angela on Twitter @BestSuperWoman

Follow Angela on Twitter @BestSuperWoman

Meet Angela: 3rd Annual I Feel Good! Mind, Body and Soul Women's Conference 2015 Sponsored by Wayne State University Saturday, August 15, 2015 9:00 am to 2:30 pm at Wayne State University Manoogian Hall - Lower Level African Room, 906 W. Warren, Detroit MI, 48201. Click for Map

Read Angela T. Jones' latest book, Breaking Through the Black Ceiling. Learn more about Angela here.

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