Dating a Man Who's Married or In a Relationship? The Problem is YOU!

Dating a Man Who's Married or In a Relationship?  The Problem is YOU!
Follow GIna B. on Twitter @GinaSpot

by Gina B.

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been involved in a “men are dogs” conversation, I would be a rich woman. I’ve even initiated the diatribe – especially when I've felt that I had been done wrong in a relationship.

If we gathered a room full of women and told a story of a man caught cheating, there would be several reactions. There is the popular theory that all men cheat, and that infidelity is in their DNA. There is another supposition that even a man who has otherwise proven to be trustworthy will stray if given the right circumstance. Some women believe that if a man is in love, he won’t cheat.

If we asked that same opinionated group of women how many of them have ever dated a married, engaged, or otherwise involved man, I wonder what percentage would raise their hands.

In one of his old standup routines, Chris Rock said it best – “Men are as faithful as their options.” For every man who cheats, there is a woman who is cheating with him. And if that’s the case, who, exactly, is the dog? If the tendency to cheat is a character flaw, then isn’t it equally wrong to participate?

Obviously, men aren’t always forthcoming about their status. But sometimes they are completely honest about their situations, and have no trouble finding willing participants.

For example, years ago, I met friends at a bar to watch the NCAA tournament and struck up a conversation with a friend of a friend. Initially, our chat was benign. I realized that the conversation was taking a different turn when he asked: “So, do you date married men?”

I thought he was joking. The question rolled off his tongue as easily as “Can you pass the ketchup?”

The look on his face indicated that he was serious. He actually expected me to say “yes” to that question! Clearly, someone had said yes in the past.

He became indignant when I wrinkled my face and offered an emphatic no. I was curious, so I dug a little deeper and learned that he had been married less than two years. I asked to see a picture of his wife, and on his cell phone he produced a photo of a very attractive woman. Finally, unhappy with the outcome of his proposition, he put his picture away and quickly exited our conversation. Good riddance.

Obviously this is a man on the prowl, but he wouldn’t be a successful hunter if all women refused to become his prey.

I don’t understand why so many women are willing to disrespect the relationships of other women. Equally perplexing is the readiness to be number 2, or even numbers 3 through 10. If he's cheating with you, don't mislead yourself to believe that you're special. Regardless of how irresistable you think you are, he's probably cheating with others.  Some of us fall for his excuses -- he'll say he's in a loveless relationship, or maybe they haven't been intimate in years, or perhaps it's just that he made a mistake in the very beginning.  Whatever the case, he's still taken.  If he's so unhappy, he will find a way to extricate himself.

A wedding ring is not a deterrent for a woman who enjoys having a partial relationship. She wants all of the fun and none of the seriousness. Another type of woman feels that she’s doing nothing wrong because she’s not the cheater – he is. There are also women who boost their egos by attempting to steal the affections of a man away from his primary relationship.

So what’s the deal, ladies? Why are we so mean to each other?

If you’re one of those women, ask yourself how you would like it if you were that nameless, faceless wife on the other end. How would you like to be lied to and cheated on? Would you behave differently if that woman were your best friend?

Keep in mind that what goes around, comes around. Ladies, if we want better treatment from men, let's realize that true girl power is about sticking together, respecting ourselves and other women. Even if you end up married to a man who cheated on his wife, do you know what you have? That's right . . . a man who cheats on his wife. A truly good guy will respect our character, and two-legged dogs will soon become extinct.

XO,

Gina B.
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