By Devin Miller
Today's women were undoubtedly raised to be extremely independent. However, there are things that even the strongest and most competent of women can’t ignore; WEDDINGS AND BABIES. The wedding industry is a $51 Billion Dollar industry, and the Baby industry has a projected profit in the next 4 years of $61 Billion dollars. You cannot watch day time television or all the other girly television networks without seeing a wedding show, a baby commercial or something in reference to being a wife and mother. For those women that don’t watch girly television networks, guess what, there’s no escape it’s all over social media. So unless you aren’t on any social media platforms, it’s undeniable that you’ll watch all your friends, coo at babies from women whom you believed, weren’t refined enough to land a husband in the first place.
I’m here with some great news, and encouraging words for all of you who avoid baby showers, and only come to wedding receptions for the booze.
All is not lost ladies, and just because it hasn’t happened for you yet doesn’t mean that it won’t. And I’m sure this is the type of cliché thinking that we’ve all at some point heard before but it’s really true. You don’t have to be married with children to have purpose in your life. This is not your sole purpose of being in the world and please stop letting other people trick you into believing that it is!
The swirl is okay!
I have reason to believe that if men were compared to the housing market, the value of single men is extremely high, and in some cases these men aren’t even worth the market value. What that does is it puts women in a precarious position, because if we don’t want to be single, are we willing as African American women to explore all conceivable options? African American men don’t seem to have a problem doing this, so I don’t think we should be opposed to it either. I think Black women are an untapped resource. Other ethnicities perception of us, is wrong, consider it your duty to publicly change that perception with your greatness!
1. Settling is not winning. Period, It’s not.
Please stop settling for men that don’t deserve you. If you find that you are more stressed or upset with a man, more than you are happy with him, that is a clear indication that you’ve settled for a man that doesn’t fulfill you, and it’s more than likely that you don’t fulfill him either. There is no race to marry, and you can produce children in your 40s now. So you don’t have to just close your eyes and pick a man, just so you can fulfill that part of your life.
2. If you have a full brain, why would you be a side-piece?
This is not a real relationship, occupation, or something that you should be sharing with other friends. You’ve basically convinced yourself that you’re perfectly okay with being his “anytime girl” whom he doesn’t respect. I repeat. He doesn’t respect you, or your gifts, and redeeming qualities (there are a few things that he likes, but you get my point). Consider the feelings of his wife/girlfriend; would you like this to be done to you? Aren’t you worth more than being someone’s temporary fix? Even if you don’t have time to commit to a relationship, you can find a single man, you don’t have to borrow anyone else’s. And furthermore, once you do start telling your friends about this, guess what they won’t trust you around their man either, and you’ve now been labeled. Bottom line, sharing a man is not cute.
3. To all the Corporate/Entrepreneurial Super Women
Lastly to my power driven, career intense besties, don’t let people make you feel like you have to diminish the eye of the tiger just to make yourself available to men. If these guys aren’t strong enough for you, then they are not the ones you want. There should be no reason why I’ve heard so many women say, men don’t like them because there too educated. How is this even possible? All men are not this insane, so don’t be discouraged.
I am an optimistic person and I believe that if Love, Marriage, and the Baby carriage is what a woman really wants, she should be able to have it and will have it. However it should not be at the consequences of her soul; and all her good sense. I don’t believe that is necessary, nor do I recommend it.
I also believe that women have to be honest with themselves. There are some women who are single because they are crazy! Or, there are just some things that GOD wants you to work out within yourself before you’re given this next opportunity. If you are not a complete person, no one can do that for you, no one can validate your insecurities, and no one man is going to be able to satisfy what is missing in your self –esteem. Furthermore, motherhood is a fantastic gift, but if you’re not ready for it, you probably shouldn’t be shooting for it.
Love yourself, and keep a positive mind frame, enjoy those weddings and baby showers, and find peace in knowing that what is for you, is FOR YOU. There is no designated timeframe for these things to happen. So please don’t rush it.
Chicago's own Devin Miller is a Freelance Writer, Event Coordinator, and Project Manager who has always used creative expression to promote joy and laughter in a world bogged down with serious people, and serious situations. She is a "dreamer and a planner," and truly believes that without both, you should stay asleep. Follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/laura.miller.73997, on Twitter at: @80sbaby_83 and her blog site at http://devinmilleralmost30.blogspot.com/.
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Filed under: Authenticity, cheating, dating, Husbands, Infidelity, Intimacy, Relationships, Self Help, Self worth, self-improvement, Sex, Sex partners, Sex with the Ex, SHACKING UP, Single Women, Sisters, Six Brown Chicks Correspondents