By A Comeaux
How long does it take to break-up with someone? What’s the time-frame of a divorce? When is the love really over?
Over brunch, I engaged in conversation with a married couple, (both enjoying their second marriage), about a true dissolution of the relationship.
As you all may remember, I have a difficult time letting go of people, or being let go altogether. Additionally, there are times that I’ve noticed things, people and their emotional remains simply linger. This can go on for a long time, and without warning it suddenly hits one of them that, ‘it’s really over.’
Case in point, a relationship complete with earth-shattering sex and multiple facets of compatibility, became not so fun anymore.
Then, with no one really knowing what was wrong, we both just hung around.
We held empty conversations and perfunctory performances of showing up but not really being present.
We let time pass with no particular destination in mind or desire in view. We let space fill our empty parts; whereas once upon a time we finished each other’s sentences. There was just awkward silence.
I used to memorize my lost lover’s heartbeat, now (then) there was only an off-beat of a pulse.
We were numb, flirting with a lifeless affair. I can’t tell you what day we ‘broke up.’
I can’t tell you the day the butterflies found flight after resting in my belly so any seasons. I truly don’t know when it was ‘over’ as much as I know that it just was.
The couple spoke of their first divorce, ironically with similar stories; common theme being, by the time the ink was dry they were literally both in homes so far removed from their marriages they’d barely remembered being married!
Again, no real line had been crossed. No definite date of expiration. Just a look back at the memory of what used to be.
I guess we can’t really tell. No one has the answer of when love leaves. We see it, we see the smoke, and we see the shadows and the remnants. Then again, the heart needs a moment or many to recover, right?
Don’t we need a period to regain strength? A bracing period of sorts. Heartbreak is traumatizing. It is believed that one can die of a heartbreak. I can’t imagine that ache, but I’m sure I’ve felt something similar. I felt a physical pain before. A sincere ache in my chest erupted at the realization that my lover was gone. I don’t know what day that was, but one day it didn’t hurt anymore. I didn’t know when we fell apart. I didn’t know when it was over until it was long done.
I didn’t know it was happening until I’d missed it. Life has taught me that there needs to be time of separation before complete departure. The heart requires it as it does love itself.
I’m A Comeaux and while I don’t have the answers, I trust time, love and all.
A Comeaux is the writer, speaker and actor who poetically paints pictures of life and love with a paradoxical perspective. Follow her on Twitter @KCOSpoke.
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