The Choice to Love

The Choice to Love
Follow GIna B. on Twitter @GinaSpot

by Gina B.

New love is amazing.  If I could bottle the feeling of a new relationship, I would be the wealthiest woman in the world.  But “old” love? A relationship that has gone a distance?  Now, that’s tricky.  Here’s the difference: you fall into new love, old love is a choice.

At some point, the newness of a relationship will subside and you move from a place where you’re consumed by feelings of euphoria, and into a place of reality.  You’re beyond hanging on his every word, especially when you’re tired of his man-messiness.  You’ve heard his best stories multiple times.  The loving nuzzles are perhaps less frequent and there may have been treacherous arguments – some small and stupid, other large and life-altering.

At the moment when you’re feeling like you’ve fallen out of love – the time when you’re the most frustrated and considering throwing in the towel (maybe on the floor, in the pile with his damned underwear and socks!), that’s when you make a choice.

You could choose to fixate on the problems and limitations, pointing out the endless things that are wrong with your relationship and circumstances.  Or you could choose love.  Yep, it’s a choice, and it’s just that simple.

If you’re in the wrong relationship the data points might add up to departure, and that’s okay.  But if you’re in the right relationship there are few things that are insurmountable, and once you open the aperture to see things clearly, you might find that the choice is easy.

Focus not on his annoying habit of repeating stories, but more on his philosophies and sense of humor.  Choose to cuddle instead of argue.  Give him the benefit of the doubt, and if he lashes out, choose to understand him rather than perpetuate the anger.  If you’re in a bad situation, choose to ameliorate rather than deteriorate.   You don’t have to talk about it; just make the shift.

Yes, you’re being the bigger person, because you’re probably seeing no correlation between your choice and improving his behavior. But guess what?  In relationships, it’s often necessary to suck it up.  You’re also teaching him how to treat you.  He will be aware of your shift and he might not say it, but over time he will become more conscientious.  You’re not perfect, so the hope is that when you’re exhibiting bad behavior (which you will) he’ll make the same choice.

Relationships have a natural cycle.  If you’re together long enough, you will fall back in love.  The choice will have been worth it. (Another feeling that I would love to bottle and sell, but I digress . . .)

Thank you for making the choice to read this.


Gina B. is a dating columnist with a corporate edge.  Follow her on Twitter  @ginaspot, and check out her new YouTube channel, Lovers and Livelihoods
Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

Leave a comment