by Gina B.
Each man that I’ve dated has been strikingly different – which is a good thing. However, the common thread is that, at some point during the course of every relationship, they’ve each failed to understand why I’ve become angered by certain things. In fact, every man I know – coworkers, friends, family members, my father – has had arguments with their significant others without completely comprehending the reason why their women were irate in the first place. They all say the same thing: “She expects me to read her mind!”
Well . . . not exactly. But I’m here to help.
Guys? I’m going to let you in on a little secret . . . when trying to understand women, it’s not the what, it’s the why.
If your woman explodes because you forgot one item on her grocery list, you might wonder why she’s so infuriated about an onion. An onion! Why has the world ended over a smelly vegetable that costs a maximum of $0.50? Can’t she use something else instead? Like maybe a carrot?
I realize that you’re scratching your head and saying to yourself: “but it’s just an onion.” Trust me. It’s NOT just an onion.
There are a few options to consider. She might have really needed that onion, because the onion could have been an integral ingredient in a special meal that she’s planning for you, or the dinner that she’s making for your friends. Forgetting such a key ingredient, when she specifically included it on the shopping list, could translate into a lack of appreciation for her and her efforts. She could also be upset that you didn’t pay attention to details, which is an indicator that what she’s asking you to do isn’t important enough to warrant your attention. And, ultimately, what does that say about your relationship?
Makes perfect sense, right?
If anyone saw “The Breakup” with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, recall the epic scene where she became upset about how he stuck her with doing the dishes after a dinner party. He volunteered to help only after she became visibly upset, at which point she no longer wanted his help. There was the famous line: “I want you to WANT to do the dishes!”
Men everywhere were confused by the concept. Because, really? Who wants to do the dishes?
Her point was merely that she wanted him to be sensitive and considerate. She wanted him to think: “Wow. She toiled over a fantastic meal for our friends and family. The least I could do is get off of my lazy ass and help her clean. In fact, I should do all of the cleaning myself. I’m not even going to ask; I’m just going to jump in and take care of it. Because I love her that much.”
See the difference?
There are also moments when we’re mad, and we don’t really want to explain the reason. Largely because if you were truly tuned in, the reason would be obvious.
Guys, I realize that this behavior is often baffling to you, but please take my unsolicited advice . . . resist the urge to ask what’s wrong. (The fact that you have to inquire is almost as infuriating as whatever made us mad to begin with)
Instead, try to figure it out for yourselves. In case you weren’t aware, women are emotional beings. When a woman is upset, it’s either because she feels unimportant, undervalued, unappreciated, or disrespected. Think deeply about your recent actions and ask yourself what you could have done to elicit any of those feelings. Once you’ve figured it out, apologize to her sincerely. (We know the difference between an earnest apology, and I’m-only-apologizing-so-that-she’ll-let-me-back-into-the-bedroom)
If you feel as though I’m asking you to cater to your woman and her feelings, you’re very astute. I’m also trying to make your life easier and prevent a small argument from escalating into the ridiculous.
Once you become good at understanding the anger, the next step is proactively avoiding it altogether. Baby steps.
And again, I will be here to help.