by Gina B.
Guys . . . I have a favor to ask. Would it be possible for you to take the time to actually get to know the woman with whom you’re having sex? And vow to always use protection?
As a person who has been a friend, relative, confidante and girlfriend of several men who have been afflicted with the condition commonly referred to as “baby mama drama,” I implore you.
I get your perspective. Truly, I do. I’ve heard the stories several times over. Your baby mamas have raked you over the coals. They’ve taken you to court, made it difficult for you to see your children, and financially devastated you. I see the pain you experience, and I empathize to the extent that I am able. But if I’m being honest (as I’ve vowed to be in 2014), I believe that many of you have created your own problems with bad decision-making.
To define what I mean by Baby Mama Drama (for purposes of this article), I’m NOT talking about those of you who were married, had children, and a change in circumstances or outlooks caused the dissolution of your relationship.
I’m talking about what happens when a casual relationship accidentally becomes serious.
Some of you were in quasi-relationships and everything was fine – or fine enough – until you threw your unprotected penis on the roulette wheel one too many times, which resulted in a positive EPT outcome. (It’s unfair, isn’t it? When you were learning arithmetic in grammar school, you were taught that math would be a very important factor in your life, yet nobody bothered to share the potential gravity of the plus sign and how it could profoundly change your direction.)
There were occasionally valiant decisions to stay together for the sake of your pending child and create a family. In some cases it worked out.
Others? Not so much.
One side of this coin is that the woman might want absolutely nothing to do with you after the conception and birth of your child. She's not particularly interested in your involvement, and therefore isn’t pressuring you for money. In fact, if you went away and left her to raise the child alone, she would be grateful. This is troublesome if you’re not of the ilk that would walk away from his kids. You will be fighting for a place in your baby’s life.
On the flipside, the changes happened immediately. The woman who was once the “fun girl” has turned into the “obligation girl.” And guess what? You don’t like the Obligation Girl very much. The Fun Girl was your refuge; The Obligation Girl gets on your damned nerves. The Obligation Girl makes demands, thinks about the future, and has needs that reach farther than what time you’re coming over, what color panties she’s wearing, and when her shift on the pole begins. The Obligation Girl isn’t solely curious about your financial ability to take her out. She’s now curious about your net worth, because her livelihood (or thrive-lihood) is at stake.
You might have realized your disdain for the woman who was suddenly carrying your child. Some guys disliked their co-parents-to-be for the very same reasons that they loved them as sex partners. Maybe she was fun to hang out with, and could consume 10 shots in a two hour period. She had a hot body, and was willing to make videos that would make Kim Kardashian blush. In fact, if you caught her in a good mood, she might have agreed to hook up with you AND your friend. Or maybe she’d already received great reviews from several of your boys. Perhaps you’re turned on by her occasional dalliances with drugs and her brushes with notorious criminals.
There’s a good chance that you never gave serious thought to any of the aforementioned traits . . . until you imagined that this gem of a woman would be responsible for the caring, feeding and education of your seed.
It was all good while her legs were wrapped around your neck and you were bragging to the boys about the “wild babe” you were hooking up with, but now you have things to worry about. Like, can Her Royal Wildness teach your child to read? Or, will she respect you enough to make sure that you have a relationship with your child beyond the check that you write each month? Does she have her own daddy issues, and will she foist them upon your baby? Is she a good partner to raise a productive member of society?
When the child is born, the claws reveal. You might be tousling over visitation and child support, racking up ridiculous court and attorney fees – money that could be allocated to tuition if the two of you could get it together and agree on terms among yourselves.
Some of you will be blindsided, because from what you knew of her, you would NEVER have believed that she could be so ruthless and manipulative.
But here’s the problem . . . you didn’t know her, but you either trusted or underestimated her.
You didn’t take the time to know her, understand her, and learn exactly what she was capable of. Granted, there are arguments that you never really know a person. But some of you didn’t even know the basics. You didn’t know her family or even how many siblings she had. You didn’t know her sexual history, and maybe you hadn’t even shared a deep conversation.
There were things you didn’t care about before that become of deep concern later. It's okay to have sex with a "former" groupie who may or may not have hooked up with all of the original members of The Wu Tang Clan. But do you want that woman raising your child? Especially when you consider the tendency of a child to adapt many traits of his/her custodial parent.
Be aware that in these situations, the woman is rarely happy. In fact she’s probably quite angry – as mad as a rat in a coffee can. She could be enraged for several reasons. She could be furious because you don’t really want to be with her. Maybe she’s irate that you won’t go away and leave her alone. Or, she’s pissed because you prefer to be with someone else. It could be that she’s incensed because she was good enough for certain things, but not for everything.
And guys? I hope you realize that an angry woman will be on a mission to make your life a big slice of hell, right here on earth. Saddle up for a wild ride.
Finally, please keep in mind that one day you might truly love someone. She will be everything you’ve ever wanted in a woman and embody traits that you never knew existed. While she might care deeply for you, your new love won’t understand your decision – or lack of foresight. If you’re together her life will be greatly impacted, and your collective life will be messy. She may have to make a choice.
So, please . . . do me a solid. Stay protected and know the location of all of your swimmers! Before you get carried away, take five minutes to think about it, and at least understand the severity of the repercussions. You might be happy you did.