Ms. Independent

By Yanni Brown

Dear Ms. Independent,

I'm writing to see if you are open to the possibilities of sharing your life with someone?


I'm asking because so many of us women have become so independent that we are not willing or able to let anyone in, to share our lives with or willing to make adjustments when someone comes along and wants to share our space. Some of us have become the men that we want to have in our lives which doesn’t leave room for them to show up.


Now let me be clear, I’m not asking you to settle and there is nothing wrong with a woman being able to stand on her own, and achieve any and all accomplishments that she feels are necessary for her. There is also nothing wrong with being able to pay your own bills, have a six figure salary, have a home, degree etc. What I would like to caution women against is building your hopes and dreams so high and wide that you lock out potential suitors out of fear. Some of us have become hardened. Some have become conditioned and is even conditioning the minds of their children with these very words "I Don't Need a Man" and that may be YOUR truth, but don't force them to mentally, physically and emotionally block the options of sharing their lives with someone because you are. We should be careful what we speak into our lives. Sometimes we know a lot of what we don't want but it looks very different than what we settle for and we fear SPEAKING what we do want!


In addition to the list that includes the degree, the house, the car and the six figure salary, it is just as important to SPEAK the man that you DO want into your life and the man that God is preparing for you as well. Proverbs 18:21 says the tongue has the power of life and death. What are you speaking into your life? What are you allowing your friends to speak into your thought process that then translates into your thoughts? I'll take this a step further and ask you who's in your fave five; your immediate circle of friends? Do they lift you up? Encourage you? Build you up? Tell you what you need to hear and NOT what you want to hear? Or do they support negative behavior? Tear you down? Pull you back when they see you getting ahead out of fear that you may just do a little bit better than them? Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know or appreciate you? Re-evaluate your fave five.


All I ask of my Beautiful Independent Chicks is that while we are on this journey to discover our best selves; that we seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around us. I ask that we leave room for someone just as exciting and worthy to share it with. Otherwise we will find ourselves in the middle of EVERYTHING (car, salary, house), surrounded by NOTHING…INDEPENDENTLY ALONE. Remember we have to make room for the things that we want and need in our lives and that will require us to be open to the possibilities of…


Yanni Brown, ChiCity born, Certified Relationship Educator and if you asked "What's Love Got to Do With It" I'd answer without hesitation "Absolutely Everything."


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