As I approach the 1-year anniversary of my husband’s death, I sometimes feel as though I just lost him. Some days are much easier than others to cope, but the pain is still there. I have positioned in my mind that I must keep moving; that life must go on, and that I must determine, for me, how happy I decide to be without his physical presence.
The road has been very long and on many days, incredibly emotional and filled with tears. However in the midst of the tears, I manage to smile because I can always hear him telling me to, “stop whining little girl, you got this.” Now for some, that may seem a bit harsh rather than supportive, but coming from my husband, it was totally supportive and made one sit up straighter, head held high and ready to take on any challenge.
The challenge, in my situation is the choice to be happy without the love that I shared the last 15 years of my life with, and whom I know truly loved me, respected me, lifted me up, prayed for me and covered our home and children. What makes the challenge easier is believing that God loves me, respects me, lifts me up through his word, covers my home and protects my family and me. I also know that there are amazing men and women that God has placed in my life and path that just keep me moving forward with their love, support, laughter and presence during my healing journey.
No one can determine how long the grief process is or how one should grieve. I decided that for me, my healing comes through photography, creative arts, alone time and uplifting and inspiring others on their journey of life. I made the choice to be happy and embrace my journey because I matter, and the lives of those that want/need my gifts matter. I decided that regardless of any potential challenges in my life, I am doing the following: