By Zondra Hughes
Consider this: You want to spend more time with your new lover and you move him into your home. Although you have not had the ‘where-is-this-going?’ conversation, the two of you function as a serious couple.
Six months later, after a long day at work, you enter your home and catch your lover in bed with someone else.
Just as you launch into your rage of hurt and confusion, your lover turns to you and tells you that his infidelity is your fault:
- If you didn’t work so hard, you would prepare better meals for him, and he would not have strayed.
- If you weren’t so tired after a long day at work, you would have the energy to have better sex with him, and he would not have strayed.
- Finally, your lover coyly reminds you that moving him into your house was your idea, and you did not discuss that other women were not permitted in your bed, and so this uncomfortable situation is your fault.
As crazy as that scenario seems, on several levels, it would be your fault because expectations were not made clear, boundaries were not set, and both parties entered into the living arrangement with hidden ulterior motives. To make it plain, you wanted a husband, but your lover wanted a rent-free bachelor pad.
Such unspoken expectations and hidden agendas were at the root of the demise of The Six Brown Chicks the first time around.
We were in the same place at the same time, but we were not together: in the best of times, we were collaborators; in the worst of times we were covert competitors. All falsehoods come to an end eventually.
The Iyanla Effect
Iyanla Vanzant lovingly cracked the code of why women can’t get along; we fear there won’t be enough at the table for us. We have been conditioned to compete with one another, and that we mistake viciousness for power.
After the Fix My Life experience, we are better now, with clear objectives and expectations that define who we are as women and as a collective.
This Six Brown Chicks makeover happened from the inside out, and we’re grateful to Iyanla, the Oprah Winfrey Network, and you for allowing us to get back to doing what we love: blogging our experience to serve and share with the village of women everywhere.
Let's get this conversation started.
The Six Brown Chicks are on Twitter: @SixBrownChicks