by Gina B.
There’s a chill in the air and it’s time to snuggle up with the one you love – or perhaps someone new. If you’re fortunate enough to have a new person in your life, you’ll be trying a few things out together for the first time. One of the most important things? Kissing!
A good kiss can set the relationship off on a good course. A sour make-out session can find you alone on the couch cuddling with your cat, watching the snow fall.
Like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a good kiss should be a perfect blend of ingredients. Of course there are people that like more peanut butter than jelly, and vice versa. But, unlike a custom-made sandwich-for-one, kissing should be enjoyed by both parties.
The description of a good kiss includes adverbs like: slow, soft, sensual, inviting and passionate. (Note my intentional avoidance of the following words: wet, sloppy and cold.) There are so many factors to balance – how to move your head, what to do with your hands, how to be passionate without too much aggression.
As an aside, before anyone says: “why is she writing an article about kissing? We learned all about that in high school!”, trust me when I tell you that some of you missed that coursework and have been littering the dating scene with your terrible kissing techniques. I know this because I’ve heard too many sad stories. I’m just trying to get you past first base, so read on. You might learn something.
For the record, the first kiss is NOT the best time to experiment with any of your “signature moves,” which could include lip biting, tongue sucking, foreceful hair pulling, spanking or growling.
There are certain telltale signs that you’ve stepped over the line of civilized kissing:
- Your tongue is so far immersed in your partner’s mouth that you’re playing with his/her uvula. Unless you’re TRYING to suffocate your partner.
- When your partner requires a napkin after a make-out session (to wipe his/her forehead). “Bussing slob” is merely an expression – and a bad one at that. It should not be taken literally. It’s a kiss, not a bath.
- You’ve refused a Tic Tac that your partner so generously (and profusely) offered. It’s generally good practice to take a mint if offered. Take three if begged. Freshen up, dragon breath!
- Your partner’s mouth is bleeding from friction with your chapped and crusty lips. Invest in Chapstick, Carmex, or even Crisco. In extreme cases, try a pumice stone or a power saw. Do whatever it takes to avoid razor lips.
- You have a free-range tongue. Remember, it’s not a dental (or nostril) exam. There is no need to inspect every cavity of your partner’s face.
- Your partner has whisker burns as a result of a make-out session. If you do that to her face, what the hell will you do to her thighs?? I’m just sayin’. (By the way, if you are a woman who has left whisker burns on a make-out partner, you have deeper problems than those addressed in this article.)
- You’ve given your partner a hickey. If you’re over 18, this is shameful. Ease up on the suction, Dracula. Hickeys are for high school.
- You’re a smoker, and your partner isn’t. Don’t assume that breath mints will mask the cigarette taste. Believe me . . . it’s the worst kind of second hand smoke.
While qualities of the perfect kiss are subject to individual opinion, I can only stress the importance of being a good, considerate kisser and paying close attention to your partner.
Winter is long and cold. Don’t let a bad kiss compromise your chance to have a good snuggle buddy.