This past weekend I had the pleasure of speaking with one of my dearest male friends as I often do, to retrieve a male perspective on this relationship thing.
I often hear stories about relationships that are struggling and my friend is in one.
The funny thing is you never know what folks are going through until they invite you into their world.
While on the outside looking in, things often glitter like gold but that isn't the case.
My friend feels that insecurity is one of the major reasons that his relationship is in jeopardy. His woman happens to be ultra insecure and it’s driving him crazy. She demands more attention than a newborn baby.
“She’s choking the life out of our relationship,” he stated.
He indicated that she requires compliments regularly and if she doesn’t receive them than that’s a week's worth of arguments. He doesn’t mind complimenting her, but he doesn’t want to feel pressured to do so.
His main complaint is that he doesn’t like the way she “pissed on him.”
My eyes widened as I asked, “she did what? Do you mean like a Golden Shower?” He quickly reiterated, “no…no…no… not like that, not in an R. Kelly kind of way.” We both laughed as I wiped my brow in relief. I asked him to explain himself and he stated that it’s when a woman makes a room full of other women know that you’re her man. It’s the subtle “lean in,” she does when she walks over to you and whispers in your ear or sips out of your glass, that allows the other women in the room to know that she’s marking her territory. I responded, “I know men who do the same.”
The worst of it is that she recently lost her job and now she has more than ample time to consume herself with his whereabouts.
The constant phone calls, text messages and emails throughout the day strike a nerve each time an alert chimes on his phone and he realizes it’s her again, before he had a chance to answer the previous message.
“I hate to feel this way but I can’t wait until she finds a job,” he exclaimed. “I believe her idle time is going to destroy us before she finds employment.”
I asked him if he had he spoken with her about his concerns and he stated that he had, but because of her current state of mind, he has to walk a fine line. She’s extremely sensitive and he doesn't want to get into a debate with her.
The moral of the story is with every action there’s a reaction.
Don’t be the one to destroy your own relationship with you’re insecurities.
A relationship should be built upon trust in order for it to thrive. You’ll look up and he’ll be gone while you’re standing there wondering why!
Share your stories of how someone “choked the life out of the relationship.”