Does Our Society Support Marriage?

by Gina B.

 

A few years ago, for about six months, I did an experiment that has since made me question whether or not marriage is really supported by society. 

 

A relationship had just ended badly, and I decided to give myself a break from even talking to any new men.   I didn't care if I missed out on great guys, and I didn't want to have a lot of extraneous conversation about my decision; I just wanted to be left alone. 

 

I was doing some online shopping and stumbled across a site that specializes in knockoff jewelry, and there I saw it - just what I needed!  The ring that I would want if I were to get married.  For the low, low price of $30!  I bought it with expedited delivery, and a few days later, The Decoy arrived - just as beautiful and convincing as it was on the website (as long as you didn't look too closely). 

 

Here's what I envisioned:  a man would approach me, and I would smile and simply hold up my left hand to let him behold the beautiful, shiny (and very fake) 3-carat rock with matching band that adorned my ring finger. 

 

About 60% of the time, my plan worked.  The man would back off and politely declare that my husband was very lucky.  I saw it as a win-win.  I didn't have to have further conversation, nor did I have to reject a man who didn't deserve it.

 

The remaining 40% of the time, my plan failed, and made for even more difficult conversation. 

 

Persistent men would ignore The Decoy (and in some cases, were further intrigued), and ask slimy follow-up questions, like:

-         "How married are you?"

-         "Is your husband married too?"

-         "Are you always married?"

-         "Does that mean you can't have friends?"

 

The most disturbing reactions were from married men who suggested that we counter-cheat on our spouses. 

 

I found myself getting defensive about a phantom relationship and protective over an imaginary spouse. 

 

In the beginning of my experiment, I was appalled by the amount of guys who attempted to coerce me to cheat with them.  After a while I grew used to it, which was sadder still. 

 

As a married-woman-poseur, I began taking note of certain conversations that occur daily:

-         Woman 1:  "I heard that John was hooking up with Mary."

-         Woman 2:  "Really?  But I thought John was married?"

-         Woman 1:  "He is, but what does THAT have to do with anything?"

 

With such a blatant lack of support for relationships, is it any wonder that the divorce rate is so high? 

 

I've never been much of a legal marriage advocate.  I believe that marriage is in your heart and mind, and I'm much more focused on the strength and quality of my relationship than I am on having a huge ring, large wedding, or declaring vows in front of church, state, friends, family, Elvis or any combination of the above. 

 

Despite my viewpoints, I still respect the relationships of those who are married or taken.  I grew up with the example of parents who took "til death do you part" seriously.  I respect the tenets of marriage.  I don't believe that marriage is disposable, or that divorce is an acceptable problem-solver. I've never seen a married man (or a man who's in a serious relationship) as an opportunity, rather a permanent roadblock.  And I've always realized that a lot of the things that are attractive about him are probably due to his wife's influences. 

 

If all else fails, I'm a strong believer in getting back what you put out into the Universe.

 

But, most people don't share my position, and perhaps those are the reasons that I don't aspire to becoming a married woman.  The right person might be able to coerce me, but we would have to have good reasons and an extremely strong relationship.

 

I eventually retired The Decoy.  I was afraid that it was damaging my psyche (and that one day it would turn my finger a deep shade of evergreen).   The next piece of jewelry I buy myself will be real - and not nearly as much of a conversation piece.

 

 

Filed under: Attraction, Marriage

Tags: Gina B., marriage, society

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  • Great blog Gina. You are on point here and after my marriage ended as well as watching what other married people are doing that their spouse doesn't know about turned m off to marriage. I can't say I'll never do it again, although I would have 8 months ago lol. I think so many people get married and they don't take it seriously or they are not ready to commit to on person, my ex wife included there. With or without a marriage certificate I'm happy I found someone I will spend the rest of my life with. I don't think it's ok to swear to God you will commit to someone for the rest of your life then do things behind your spouse back but it's not up to us to judge, only God ca judge.

  • Ok, lets try this again without missing buttons...
    Great blog Gina. You are on point here and after my marriage ended as well as watching what other married people are doing that their spouse doesn't know about turned me off to marriage. I can't say I'll never do it again, although I would have 8 months ago lol. I think so many people get married and they don't take it seriously or they are not ready to commit to one person, my ex wife included there. With or without a marriage certificate I'm happy I found someone I will spend the rest of my life with. I don't think it's ok to swear to God you will commit to someone for the rest of your life then do things behind your spouse back but it's not up to us to judge, only God can judge.

  • Gina, GREAT BLOG! Does OUR society support marriage? Yes some do but unfortunately as you saw in your research the vast majority does not. We need more positive posers when it comes to spreading the HAPPY HAPPY JOYS of marriage and we don't see that enough. Making Love Better TwoGether means just that! We need more people pulling TwoGether for healthy, positive relationships and marriages and not sabotaging them.

    Thanks very much for putting this out there! Let's get his conversation started....

  • My husband and I have been married 29 years this year. We have been to many weddings, most of which have ended in divorce. We live in a throw-away society. The attitude is: If it doesn't work out, I'll just get a divorce. I have seen the same things throughout the years that you mentioned in your great article. I think it's sad.

  • Watch the video from our discussion . . . http://bit.ly/gbmarriage

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