Bad sex can happen to any couple.
But what if the man is--well, willfully lazy?
I have a theory that handsome men won't put in the work to please their partners.
These men are known as Lazy Lovers, and apparently, lazy loving strikes more often than women would care to discuss.
I floated my theory to one of your fellow Brown Chicks and she agreed.
I listened closely as she divulged how dissatisfied she was with a former, beautiful lover.
had the perfect tool," she said, with her little brown nose all
scrunched up, just at the thought of the guy. "And the first time he
just laid there, and I thought, well, he sure is sexy. And I pounced him and just took control."
But the Lazy Lover laid there like a man of rusted steel. He did not move an inch.
"I thought he was nervous," said the Brown Chick. "But his ass was spoiled."
But then it happened again, and again. And then finally, the Brown Chick mentioned it to him.
"I like foreplay too," she told him.
He refused to work, and told her: "You know I work out after work, and by the time I see you, I want you, but I'm tired."
"Then we shouldn't do it," she said.
"But I want you," he responded. "To do it."
He was a nice enough guy, but the dissatisfied Brown Chick had reached a point of diminishing returns. She dumped him on his birthday.
I want something pretty to look at, I can buy art," she snapped at me, suddenly angry all over again over the bad sex.
"His ass had to go. I ran to the ugliest guy I could find, and we were
together for three years until he moved to New York."
That Brown Chick added, "and even today I'll hop on a plane if his ugly ass asked me to."
Hmmm...I asked a pretty male photographer about his thoughts on the subject.
First things first, he says that yes, he does nothing, absolutely nothing, with his girlfriend but show up.
he said that as handsome men get older, they realize that they were
doing too much work in the sack, so they've put on the brakes.
to drive Miss Daisy, just enjoy the ride.
epiphany of becoming aware that a woman as your partner has an equal
responsibility in sexual activity," he said. "That awareness usually
yields a cornucopia of pleasure for two. So, I wouldn't say handsome men
are lazy, I would say, that that is a level of awareness that yields
equal physical involvement. That means finding a woman and training her,
right off, on what you like. And train her to do a good job at it."
Because I did not fully understand what that pretty photographer said, (did you? what the heck!) I wanted one more opinion, so,
I called my friend Gloria from St. Louis.
I asked her if she found
that attractive men were lazy in bed.
Gloria was a great source because
when we were in college, she preferred her men to have model looks--and
"G, were your pretty men lazy in bed?" I asked.
laughed at the question and then talked about her husband, that she met
at the bowling alley.
For the record, G admits that her husband ain't pretty...and her own mother calls him her "walrus-in-law" behind his back. But they have gorgeous children and a very stable relationship.
"My husband has always been overweight, even as a
toddler--I've seen the baby pictures. He's not the type I would have
preferred, and he never turned my head until one day, when I was lonely,
he called and asked me to have a cup of coffee with him. Fifteen years
later, he is still the best lover I ever had. Tell your readers to go
for the guy with the gut. Big guys are more attentive in bed, they last
longer, and they are greedy. They will never get enough of you."
So, ladies, what do you think? Are pretty guys lazy in bed? And are big guys more fun?