By A Comeaux
Awww dayum! I hate to break it out, expose it and deliberate, but men catch flack unanimously about being on the Down Low, as they should! Insert: eeeewwww.
Being a woman of dual views, I deem it justified to speak on the women who are doing the same.
Picture this: a 'good girl' from a good home, fairly educated and sufficiently employed, late 20', never married, no kids, textbook serial dater. I'm not big on labels and stereotypes, I simply want to paint a general picture for you from a recent experience with a 'friend.
This woman is dating men for sake of saving face while she has a woman who loves her and patiently waits for her secret lover to come around, or out in this situation.
She talks of marriage and kids she evades like the plague. Men, no matter their quality never last longer than the company dinner or family outing. She's not alone. Just as men have 'token dates' so do women.
They have attractive, moderately intelligent, socially acceptable men to take around on the town to parade as a 'possible' all the while knowing there are no chances. And these men are as unsuspecting as the wives of men on the Down Low.
Sounds like a reality show, right? Some women may know their men are gay in heart. Due to the promise of security and the sake of saving face, they stay. Just as many do in a marriage/relationship where cheating is prevalent but the perks outweigh the pain, I guess.
With society's expectations of women and what we are to have accomplished by a certain age: Married with 2 ½ kids in a stable home, etc., some women are bound by said expectations. And if any of those components are missing, there must be 'something' wrong with her!
Some women are living in the closet of their passions, their inner truths being smothered like the steak most men adore. I'm an advocate of truth. People, no matter the sex or preference, ought to be honest with themselves first enabling them to be honest to those in their realm. But what if that truth hurts too bad to live out loud? Now with all the laws and advocates for equal rights, one would think its okay to come and stay Out.
But not so much.
We all have an obligation to that evil beast we call society. "Be thin. Be thick. Be lighter. Have longer hair. Short hair is in. Tall girls #rule. Short girls are sexier. Date a baller. Find a good man in church. Put your kids in private school. Homeschool, public schools isn't safe." I can go on and on! Which belief do we live by if they are ever changing? Whether you swear by the Bible, Koran, your journal or NecoleBitchie.com, no one can define you except YOU.
My take is this: There was and still is great value to that old bumper sticker anthem 'Honesty is the best policy' and the Truth Hurts ranks high as well! I wonder why. Why do you allow yourself to hurt?
How can you living your life, the one who ultimately has to answer to all ills and thrills, matter to SOCIETY, so much that you live a lie and become a stranger in your own world!
I think this is the worst place for anyone to exist; to allow themselves to be pushed and imprisoned by someone else's expectations.
So I ask, are you being your truest you?
A Comeaux is the writer, speaker and actor who poetically paints pictures of life and love with a paradoxical perspective. Follow her on Twitter @KCOSpoke.
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