By Yolanda (Yanni) Brown
Have you ever experienced relationship bliss? In the beginning that is exactly what it is. You see, sometimes people introduce you to their representatives, and they put on their absolute best; the best outfits, their best behavior and the best presentation of who they want you to see.
But sooner or later, the relationship's red flags may wave at you. Some can be tolerated, while others, like these six red flags mentioned here, should be deal-breakers.
Unfortunately, some of us dismiss those red flags because S/he's fine, fear of being alone, or you hope that they will change. The problem with dismissing those red flags while the relationship is in the making is that eventually, they'll come back to kick you in the butt! A red flag is a red flag at two weeks, three months or three years from now. Red flags can be deal breakers! What may be a deal breaker for you may not be a deal breaker for someone else.
During the dating process it is necessary to take your time and get to know the person that you are dating. Let the person show you who they are rather than them telling you who they are.
The following are six relationship red flags and what to do when you spot them...
1. S/He's moving too fast.
Raise your brow if that someone is moving way too fast to win you over. (Dating one week proposing the next).
Moving too fast is usually a sign that S/he's uncomfortable being alone or is looking for a rebound, or someone to solve their problems. A clingy lover is very unattractive to both men and women, and is not a trait that you would want your partner to have.
2. You are never invited over.
They are always quick to suggest hanging out at your place. Usually it's at very late hours. This could clearly be a sign of them hiding something, even if that something is you and should definitely be considered a relationship red flag.
Maybe their home includes a family he/she hasn't told you about; or maybe their home is very messy. Never inviting you over, withholding contact information, not wanting to be seen in public with you, could have several meanings and none of them indicates that they are into you!
3. Constantly bad-mouths their ex.
I'm fortunate that I'm still cool with my exes, but even if I weren't I wouldn't attack anybody's character. There's no reason to launch an ongoing verbal assault about your ex to your new partner. The ex should not be the topic of all of your conversations.
Offering this negative information makes you look resentful, bitter and it's just tacky.
It also shows that the person disclosing the goods is unwilling to take responsibility for their shortcomings in the relationship, or could be holding on to unresolved anger. This is not something that you want to be on the receiving end of.
4. Always complaining about something.
If everything that comes out of their mouth is a complaint RUN! This is a fixer upper that will wear you completely out, because there is, and will always be, something wrong. I like to call them JOY Zappers! They are out to kill, steal and destroy the happiness of others because they are not happy themselves. They never have anything good to say about anything or anyone. Stay as far away as possible.
5. Good and grown but still lives at home.
I understand that we are in a recession and more and more adults are still living at home these days. However this is still a relationship red flag. If the person you are dating still lives at home, they are usually in no hurry to grow up, become independent or financially responsible and will usually lack commitment. Is this what you really want from your future partner?
6. Getting over a partner by getting under a new partner. (Fresh out of one and looking for another.)
If you've been through a break-up, you know that it takes time to completely recover. Chances are, if you are fresh out of a relationship, you are going through the healing and recovery process. How much time does that really leave to focus on someone new? Don't get me wrong, there are times when rebound relationships occasionally work out, but it still screams RED FLAG. It is then you should ask yourself: Are you temporarily filling a void of loneliness? Are you only around as a shoulder to cry on? In hopes that you may be the one to get them back on their feet? Be careful because rumor has it the Rebound Relationship is more than a handful.
This is why taking your time in dating is so very important. You can save yourself some heartache by understanding and sticking to your deal breakers!
Ultimately, you are the other half that has to be happy in your relationship. If that happiness is compromised then you must ask yourself the tough question. "Is this (Red Flag) something that I can live with or live without?"
Only YOU can answer that question.
Question: Do or did you see red flags in your relationship(s)? What were they, and what did you do about them?
Let the discussion begin....