Punanny Power: Should We "Date Like A Man?"

Punanny Power: Should We "Date Like A Man?"


 How do you define power? Photostock.

By Zondra Hughes

It was a Girls' Night In, movies, comfort food, and all the gossip that the four of us could stand.

We decided to watch the throwback film, "Murder By Numbers," starring Sandra Bullock. Soon enough, the film would jumpstart a debate about the art of using sex as a weapon.

In the film, Bullock's character, a cop, seduces her male partner moments after meeting him, and then kicks him out of her bed in the middle of the night.

The man developed feelings for Bullock, but she would have nothing of it, and even teased him because he was concerned about her. "Do you want a ring?" she taunted him, until he bolted.

The film's role-reversal was a set-up to introduce Bullock's character flaw, that she refused to connect with men because of a harrowing incident from her past. Somehow, two of the ladies in our group believed that Bullock was "dating  like a man," and that because she had a one-night stand and kicked a man out of her bed, she was "powerful."

Now you know I don't have a problem with naming names when such debates occur in my life, but not this time, it was just too damning and disturbing to put these women on blast.  The two of them took turns,  telling their "punany power" tales. That is, how they used sex to debase a man, to exact revenge on a former lover, and/or  just to prove that they could commit an intimate act without emotional strings attached.

Jane Doe told of a tryst that she had with her ex's boss, just to pay him back.

"I wanted him to see my car parked overnight in front of his office. He always accused me of liking his supervisor and I didn't want to leave a doubt in his mind."

That's power?

Jane Doe #2 gave into temptation at a company function, with a product supplier who didn't give her a better price.

"This networking event took place at a hotel, and I said, f@ck, it, let's just go get a room and get it over with. The attraction was deep. The sex wasn't good, so I didn't call him, and if I see him nowadays, I don't speak, unless I need an order."

That's power?

And, finally, the confession that should have made Sandra Bullock's character stop mid-sentence in the film and ask, WTF?, Jane Doe #1's tale of group sex revenge.

"Yeah, he played me. But I went to his cousin's pool party and broke his cousins off. And I know they told him about it, I wish I could see his face when they did. Yeah I got the last laugh now, beyoooch!"

That's power?

I realize that my views on power may differ from some modern women, but I believe that it takes power and courage to be vulnerable with someone, and to  allow and invite intimacy. I readily admit that I'm not there just yet, and thus I have a battery operated boyfriend (where intimacy and/or follow-up calls are not expected.)

We can't progress in our relationships if we don't admit one truth: random, meaningless, sex does not make us stronger or wiser; if anything, the opposite is true.

The act of giving away the punanny to exact revenge, or to feel strong, isn't power, it's promiscuity, and, unlike the world's oldest profession, there isn't even a business model behind it.

And there's nothing powerful or independent about that.

What do you think? 

May you receive your Strawberry Letter 23,

Zondra :0) 


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  • I agree with the author. For me personally I could not Date Like A Man. Is that really how men date? Guess I;m clueless on that part too. I don't date a like. Or should I say I'm new to dateing after 30 yrs. of marriage.

  • In reply to MissBee:

    Thank you MissBee2, it is SO wonderful to know that I'm not alone in this. And may you find your new PRINCE! =0)

  • Zondra this is as hot as fish grease! I LOVE IT! Punanny Power in my book is code name for BROKEN! This was great!

    "The act of giving away the punanny to exact revenge, or to feel strong, isn't power, it's promiscuity, and, unlike the world's oldest profession, there isn't even a business model behind it."

    Drops the mic and exit stage left!

  • In reply to YanniBrown:

    Yanni, you took the words outta my mouth! By giving up the P relentlessly or with a vengeance, it doesn't empower! We're devoured! This approach just makes us being road kill sound like we actually Wanted to be struck down!! ;-/ Like calling yourself ugly before someone does! No!! SHOW your inner beauty so when approached, you'll be respected. Don't beat someone to the punch to lessen your worth...!

  • In reply to AComeaux:

    A Comeaux,
    Show your inner beauty! Love it!!!

  • In reply to AComeaux:

    the punany is the most powerful weapon on the planet. You can get men to do anything for it, but if you just give it up, it's useless. It's more powerful when you don't give it up.
    Guys only think about sex. That's all they want. So how are those women in power and control giving the guy the one thing they want most. Great blog Zondra

  • In reply to AComeaux:

    Thanks for sharing Z. I know I have given up my Power to some undeserving recipients and only wish I could take it back. I lived and learned from those experiences.

  • In reply to AComeaux:

    Power? Hmmm....

    I think you are talking about very different contexts that do require some balance. On the one hand, its nothing wrong with a woman mastering her own adventure. Even if it is only for the learning experience of it. On the other hand real intimacy does require exposing one's vulnerabilities to someone else. Not something we need to do at each and every juncture of our lives mind you.

  • In reply to YanniBrown:

    Business models are vital!

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