You've heard the song. "Closing Time" from Semisonic. Everyone assumes it's about Last Call at a bar, but it's so much more than that. The lyrics that hit me the hardest are: "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..." It's about a baby being born, according to the songwriter. And once you've heard that that was the song's inspiration, it changes everything. It did for me. It's basically my anthem now.
So, since I last wrote a blog post here, over a year ago now, my life has entirely changed yet again. I was running a small business from my home, selling LuLaRoe clothing, for the past year and a half. I loved it. I was good at it. I was having the time of my life adding geeky wonderful themes and trivia and contests into my group. I was making friends and helping other people make friends. The best part was that I was helping women of all shapes and sizes from all walks of life feel confident. I was standing in front of a camera a few nights a week, wearing anything from a beautiful dress and red lips and great jewelry, to a Twi'lek costume I made by putting blue leggings on my head and painting my face, to a wig and hat with leggings as a scarf as Doctor Who (for the latter two, see below). I was selling clothes, but I was also saying, "Here's who I am. You can be whoever you are, too." And about 1,200 people were there for that. It was my creative outlet, my work, and my business. Then everything changed.
In October, just after we'd decided maybe we were done having kids, we found out we are expecting another one. It was such a joyful unexpected moment. Turns out it's a third boy! Oh goodness, we are going to have our hands full, I know! But we always dreamed of three, and here he comes, probably sometime next month now. Our oldest is about to start Kindergarten (Whaaaaaat???), and our middle guy is just learning to use the potty. I was reeling. How will I have enough hands? How can I do all the things? Then one day, while talking with Ryan and trying not to smell his coffee (Yes, coffee, my beloved friend, turned on me in early pregnancy and made me nauseous. Mourn my loss.), I suddenly started to cry. "I think maybe I have to close my shop. I think I can't juggle everything and the kids will need me the most." He agreed, and so that agonizing decision was made. I started the process of closing, and worked really hard on making my final month fun for everyone. I did Marvel March, with themes and sales like a DareDevil Blind Order or the Thanos Special where something was Half Off (Get it? Too soon?). My group, my sweet wonderful group, rallied and bought EVERY. LAST. PIECE. in my inventory. All of it. Gone. I'm emotional just thinking about it. What an amazing group of people to rise up and help me empty the room that I would then put my older boys in so the baby could have a nursery. I'm humbled and grateful.
With the business closed, I'm now putting all of my energy into the nursery and an upcoming celebration (a diaper party and onesie painting party... and essentially my retirement party). I'm to the point in my pregnancy now where if I drop something on the floor it's gone forever, so you know I'm seriously nesting if I'm getting anything productive done. I'm writing this blog post right now after printing the very last shipping labels for the business.
What a major chapter of my life is suddenly over. What a huge new chapter is about to begin! Kindergarten? Potty training? A newborn? It will be wonderful and crazy and magical and chaos. I think I'm ready. I just don't want to forget what this chapter was. This business, which may be a blip on my timeline, brought parts of me back after our loss that I was worried I would never see again. I got dressed, I was confident, I was performing again, I was helping other people, and most of all, I was pulled out of the darkness. I may never have made a million dollars at this, and I certainly didn't pay off my student loans as I'd originally intended, but it was worth something different. In a way, it saved me. For that, I will always be grateful.
"So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits. I hope you have found a friend. Closing time. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
Filed under: Storytelling
Tags: because of lularoe, closing my business, closing time, doing all the things, full time mommy, hard decisions, having a third child, having another baby, lularoe, lularoe goob, lularoe leggings, lularoe tara schile, nesting, pregnant, SAHM, sincere mommy, stay at home mom, Tara Schile, three kids