Married...Shacking Up...Are You Sure About That? What's Your Relationship Status?

In 2015 when I was a contributor for, I wrote this piece about being sure and secure of your relationship status because so many people seemed confused about whether or not they were in a committed relationship. Three years later and the same confusion still occurs, so I decided to resubmit this post hoping it'll give clarification to those who may still be in limbo about who their heart belongs to. Happy reading! 

Single. Married. Divorced. Creepin’. Casually dating. Engaged in casual sex. In the friend zone. It’s complicated. The side piece. The main side chick. The main chick. Living together but not in a relationship. Dating exclusively.

Which one describes your current relationship status and situation? Sometimes we’re lucky enough to be on the same page with the the person we’re interested in, and other times, our relationship status is not what we think or hope it is.

With each new romantic experience, there are different phases and stages that have titles, whether we acknowledge or agree to such titles or not. But nowadays, it seems as though people engage in “relationship-like” activities with people, but don’t really know the status of what they have and where they stand. For some, a “situationship” status doesn’t matter as long as they have someone around who pays attention to them and picks up the tab every now and then. But most of us want to know what our particular status is with a person, and honestly speaking, I believe it’s best for you and your emotional well-being to have this information. Here’s why.

For starters, it gives you clarity on where you stand and how you can and should move forward if the other person isn’t serious about you. It keeps you from wasting too much time on them if they’re not on the same page as you. Remember Lauryn Hill and Rohan Marley? Fifteen years and five kids, and one day, that was it. It was over. Don’t waste precious time in a relationship where you have to guess or assume you’re moving forward with someone just to get left behind. It’s not worth it.

And knowing your status allows you to keep your options open. Many people think that they should stick to one person at a time even without knowing how the other person truly feels. While there’s nothing wrong with this, I think it’s best to explore your options until things are more defined.

Getting clarity with a love interest can be difficult because you don’t want to ruin what seems to be a good thing by bringing up the subject of commitment. However, if you want to get the answers you deserve, start by asking honest questions about where they think things are headed. If they’re not on the same page as you, quickly jump ship before it sinks.

Also, from here on out, you should clearly state your standards and expectations from the start. Ask your mate what theirs are and try to stick to them. This way, both parties know what to anticipate and there won’t be any surprises. Well, let’s hope not.

Lastly, don’t accept anything that’s not in line with what you’re seeking. Don’t fall for the all too familiar lines, “we’re working on it” or “you know that I care about you.” People do what they want, and commit to whomever they choose to, so don’t accept small actions and excuses. Move on to what you want and deserve.

In the end, you don’t want to spend your time with someone and not know if it’s the real thing or a fling. Be clear on your status with the person you’re interested in, the expectations you have, and if all else fails, establish a status for yourself that makes you happy, even if it means that you stand alone.

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