So the day has finally come. There's a beautiful ring, a nervous partner, and a well prepared speech that's been rehearsed more times than you can remember. The ambiance has been set, and you're ready to ask the love of your life to marry you! The time has come, and as you anxiously approach your mate, you tell them what they mean to you. You get down on one knee, pull out the magnificent symbol of your love, and you ask your man will he be your husband?
This may sound strange to many, however, over the past few years a number of women have "popped the question" to their long-term boyfriends, children's fathers, or live-in mates for many reasons. Some include they were tired of waiting on him to propose, they no longer wanted to live in sin, or wanted to be wed to the father of their children. Whatever their logical explanation for doing so is their own, but this is something that should cease...soon! Proposing to a man is wrong in so many ways. Here's why.
1. It's outside of God's natural order for marriage.
When God created Adam and Eve, He created Adam first. From his rib He then created woman to be his help mate. When God finished making the perfect mate for Adam, He brought Eve to him, and he took her as his wife. The example was set and established from the beginning of time, so why should things change now?
2. It emasculates his authority in the relationship.
When a woman asks for a mans hand in marriage, this means she has taken the lead in the union. It also means she's willing to take on all of the responsibilities the male normally would, such as being the head of the household, sole provider, and protector. Initially when a woman asks a man to marry her she may or may not think of it as depriving him of his male role or identity, but it does. Ladies, don't strip your man of his pride by proposing to him. But most importantly, don't rob yourself of the privilege of being asked to be someone's wife.
3. It won't 'seal the deal' any faster.
A lot of ladies believe that if they take the plunge it will make her mate commit faster. However, it doesn't. Engagements can last longer than some marriages, or they can end all together no matter who proposes. When a man is ready to settle down he'll let the one he wants know. So there's no need to ask for his hand in marriage thinking it'll get you closer to the alter. It won't.
4. If he hasn't popped the question yet, he may not be ready for marriage...
There are a lot of reasons men aren't ready and willing to settle down. Some may feel as though they aren't financially stable, others may not be ready to stop dating around, many just may not desire marriage, they're career driven, or there may not be a need for the actual commitment of marriage because they're indulging in the benefits that come with it. Whatever the reason it's his choice, and he shouldn't be pressured into it.
5. ...Or he may not want to marry you!
You've been by his side through thick and thin. You've had and held him, for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. Yes, you've kept vows to him, showing him unconditional love and proving that you are wife material...but he still does not want to marry you. And guess what? This is perfectly fine. Why? Because there is no need for you to 'prove' to any man that you are worthy of being his wife. Besides, it doesn't matter what you do to don't, if he doesn't want you, or marriage he won't give in.
6. You'll look desperate.
Does this need any explanation?
Ladies if you aren't patient enough to wait for your mate to properly ask for your hand, heart and soul in marriage, then it may be time for you to reflect on your worth as a single woman. Or better yet, it may be time to move on to someone better. Whether you want to believe it or not, you have a purpose in being single, and it's not to get married. Instead of contemplating if he'll say 'yes', or when he'll put a ring on it, put time into finding your soul-purpose for being single instead of wondering if you have a soul-mate.
Liz Lampkin is the author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? a motivational speaker, and an advocate for single women who inspires them to search their souls, and live their best single lives. Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.