The Bachelor Recap: Episode 3 "Balls are Flying at Your Face"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 3 "Balls are Flying at Your Face"
Yea, we’re back. I wish I could say that excitedly, but let’s be real, I dropped the ball here. I missed the first two episodes of Bachelor Ben 2016. I became too preoccupied with these silly little endeavors called “New Years Resolutions.” But I finally realized focusing on dumb crap like my physical fitness, continuing... Read more »

NFL Picks: Opening Week 1

NFL Picks: Opening Week 1
Last year, I had a roaring comeback towards the end of the year to nearly return to .500, only to be thwarted by a misguided Pete Carroll and a pull-a-rabbit-out-of-a**-lucky Malcolm Butler. Actually, after everything that came out about the Patriots cheating since 2001, it’s getting harder to think luck had anything to do with... Read more »

Bachelorette Finale Recap: "I Think I'll Be Happy"

Bachelorette Finale Recap: "I Think I'll Be Happy"
There comes a time in every grown man’s life when he needs to decide whether to focus on his real job that pays real money or to continue blogging about heavily-produced, competitive quests for Foreverlove. Well, ok, maybe not every grown man… But it happened to me. And I apparently chose the worst season possible... Read more »
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"True Detective" Precap

"True Detective" Precap
This season is not going to be like last season. For a good ten minutes after the second episode ended, the only reaction I could muster was…   What the effing eff #TrueDetective — Mateo Ochoseis (@MateoOchoSeis) June 29, 2015 I’ve never been so shocked at an episode of television. My friend, along with a... Read more »

So is it Bruce or Caitlyn? And Other Unanswered Questions about the Jenner Saga

So is it Bruce or Caitlyn? And Other Unanswered Questions about the Jenner Saga
Let me start this diatribe by saying I know I’m no doctor. Nor am I an anatomy professor, geneticist or expert in homosexuality. That said, the following candid thoughts may cause many of you impulsive or sensitive types to call me some version of a “bigot,” but I swear I’m not that either. I’m just... Read more »

Picking the Perfect Bracket: Round 2

Picking the Perfect Bracket: Round 2
MIDWEST REGION (1) Kentucky Wildcats OVER (8) Cincinnati Bearcats The key to beating Kentucky (if there is one, nobody has really found out for sure yet) is a disciplined approach where you limit the number of possessions, get offensive rebounds and take smart shots. Cincinnati isn’t disciplined or smart. Anybody rooting for the mighty to fall might... Read more »
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Picking the Perfect Bracket: Round 1

Picking the Perfect Bracket: Round 1
Two years ago, I came about as close as you can come. Last year Warren Buffett trolled all of us tempting me to try again, and that one didn’t turn out so well. This year, I’m going 67 for 67. I’m overcoming the infinitesimal odds. I’m picking the perfect bracket. Certain schedules stipulated I couldn’t post... Read more »

The Bachelor Finale Recap: "Everything About This Moment Feels Right"

The Bachelor Finale Recap: "Everything About This Moment Feels Right"
Well, we finally made it. 10 episodes, 30 girls, 25 hours, and approximately 30,000 recap words written, all so we can get here: with Farmer Chris ready to awkwardly propose a brief engagement to somebody he’ll probably like only as long as ABC provides limo and helicopter access on their dates. Will it be the... Read more »

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 9 "Fantasy Suite"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 9 "Fantasy Suite"
We’ve finally made it to the fantasy suite! If, like most of us, Fifty Shades of Grey left your craving for sexiness unsatisfied, then the Fantasy Suite is here to fill that void. Fantasy Suite week is when Chris and the girls can finally consummate their televised pseudo-love in an act of producer-sanctioned, secret, competitive coitus. And... Read more »
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The Bachelor Recap: Episode 8 "Wild Mustang"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 8 "Wild Mustang"
Sorry, girls, we can’t always take a random, confused road trip to everybody’s hometowns. Farmer Chris’ visit to your’s is actually going to be planned. On the bright side, Chris’ journey to these girls’ hometowns should be more exciting than their trip to Arlington, Iowa, where the hottest local girl was a tumbleweed. On the bad... Read more »