Haaaave you met Ted?

As a single woman who is considered by many to be of at least average intelligence and isn’t totally unfortunate looking, I often get asked “why are you single?!” Sometimes well meaning people send me a list some “girl power” blogger wrote about why she is single. Usually the writer has managed to make it sound like she has chosen to be single (eg: I like having my bed to myself too much! And my schedule is already to busy!).

Now, clearly I am not someone trying to date me so I could be 100% wrong and because this it NOT a girl power blog, it’s a blog about me being real, here it is my own list..

Why I’m single, from my own point of view:

For starters I am terrible at keeping my crazy under wraps.  I could overthink/over analyze directions to the bathroom.  My internal monolog goes something like this: “Oh my gosh, was he worried about me because I asked? I should thank him for caring. Oh my gosh, he cares. Ok, I should ask 11 people what I should do now.” Or “He hesitated, do you think I annoyed him? Oh my gosh, I annoyed him. Crap! I should leave him alone the rest of the night. Plus he probably likes that girl he was talking to. Ok, I’ll just never talk to him again.” Naturally, it doesn’t take long before I read too far into a few innocent messages and my crazy starts to seep out. No guy wants deal that.

Double whammy, I need a lot of affirmation. Even after a very happy childhood and years of therapy, I need people to say lots of nice things to me. This would be less of an issue if I didn’t read too much into things but when combined with the above, well, you see why this could be a problem, right?

I don’t go out very often. It’s hard to meet someone in my living room.

A few problems about when I do go out: one, I don’t talk to guys. It’s not that I have some outdated view that a guy should approach me first; it’s just that I am afraid to talk to boys.

Two: I usually go out with a big group of girls no dude is going to come talk to a chick that is out with a big group of her friends.

I’m not great about making myself look nice before I leave the house. Guys like girls who look good. Not only do I (still) not have a great idea of how do to that I am often too lazy to do the little that I know.

Have you ever seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother where the gang suddenly realizes each other’s flaws? The Clift Notes version is that Lilly is a loud chewer, Marshall sings everything, Barney spaces out and makes up bad catch phrases, Robin over uses the word “literally,” and Ted corrects everyone.  I do that! I’m like Ted. I promise I am working on it but it’s hard. I so badly want to scream “THAN! You worked harder THAN your brother not THEN!” And “Oh, you COULD care less, that’s nice. I assume you mean you COULDN’T care less.” Who wants to date that girl?!! No one, that’s who.

My brain has completely reversed the guys to keep around and those to push away. I don’t set out to try date guys what aren’t into me and push away the ones that are; I just cannot see the differences until it is too late.

You know how in the early parts of dating girls laugh at a guy’s bad jokes and let him believe he is really smart? I don’t.

Through the years I have posted on Facebook funny (at least to me) reasons why I am single and while I still stand by everything I have said before, the reasons above are probably more correct.

There is probably 1 man on the planet that would be willing to deal with all this. So that, in a nutshell, is why I’m single.

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