Coming out one stiletto at a time, means being prudent where you present as a woman. This is of course, for cross-dressers who are not committed to living their lives as a woman full-time, yet have a need to get out and present. Yet, perhaps part of the problem in doing this is how do you take the secrecy of your cross-dressing from the confines of your home to the world outside?
Many of you cross-dressers have come out to your wives which has relieved some of the angst for you yet, for many being out of the house is important. It is an extension of your femme identity and a celebration of your femme side living along side with your male counterpart. So how does one do this responsibly without alienating your wife, risk losing your job and running into someone at the supermarket who you know from your golf team?
Because of the complicated nature of cross-dressing and the lack of information on who they are, many cross-dressers are cautious about getting caught by someone who they know and don’t want to know about their femme side. Even if you have a supportive wife, it is still difficult to integrate your cross-dressing into to your life, in a normal way, which means being out rather than hiding in the bedroom, which always seemed more deviant to me, than actually going out.
Here are some tips for integrating your cross-dressing into your life:
- If you haven’t told your wife about your cross-dressing, you really need to, unless there is some special circumstance that would prohibit telling her. Again, it is not an easy task to do, yet with the transsexuals coming out, she is probably already watching a Trans show. She will want to know two things: Do you want to transition into a full-time woman (always tell her no at this juncture even if you aren’t sure) and two, what does this mean for her?
- You need to develop your own style which is age appropriate. Since you have been dressing in privacy for so long, your sense of style probably isn’t developed and is more adolescent or vamped up than it should be, if you want to be out in the world. Get your make-up done at Macy’s and check out woman’s magazines for current looks. You are not a Drag Queen, you are a cross-dresser presenting as a woman, so develop her own style that works for you.
- Have some fun with your cross-dressing by going out with friend for lunch (male or female who you are comfortable with) or a sister, who may know.
- Give your wife some time to get used to you in your femme role at home, and don’t over do it with your dressing. Once a month, schedule a time with her to learn more about your femme side and to become comfortable seeing you in your femme role.
- Don’t leave your bras & panties out. It is very difficult for most women to see their husband in panties early on, so keep your clothes in your own special closet. You need to set boundaries with your cross-dressing in your relationship that works for both of you.
- People don’t expect you to be in your femme role, so even if you run into someone you don’t want to when out, they probably won’t even know its you, unless you tell them. I not talking about at work, but rather in your personal time. So relax when you are out dressed.
- Try to connect with like couples who are married to a cross-dresser and go out with them and have them over for dinner. It’s totally liberating to do this and also know you are not alone and that being out as a cross-dresser is okay, after all it is just a part of who you are.
I believe that key for the cross-dressing community, those who present as a woman part-time, is to get out in the world and take it slow. First gain the support from your wife, family and select friends. Then make new friends with cross-dressers and their wives and integrate this social experience into your life. Go out shopping, as now that the transsexuals are out, you will have support.
We may never know “why” you cross-dress and have a femme persona. Yet, it really doesn’t matter why, its making the changes needed to allow yourself out of the closet and into society on your terms. There’s a time and place for your cross-dressing and it may not be openly at work, but what you do in your personal time is what counts. Don’t let the Trans community define who you are, only you can do it for yourself.