Christina, a cross-dresser since a child wrote me about making amends to his wife and children.
“I first wore woman’s clothing fifty years ago and have never been able to stop, and I've wanted to believe me. I've tried therapy several times, "purging", just giving it up. Of course none of that worked. So I've just decided to accept the fact that I'm stuck with this for life and make the best of it.
My question is this: We always hear about the hurtful impact on the wives of CDs. But how can we make our wives, ex-wives, even adult children understand that there is no "cure" for cross-dressing and that if there were a pill, snap of the fingers, anything that could make us stop; many of us would in a minute. "I understand you can't (and shouldn't have to) accept this (and have to leave). I'm sorry I deceived, shocked, and hurt you; and wish that I could undo all of it."
"What can those of us that want to convey our regret and guilt do for the hurtful effect being a CD has/has had on our loved ones?”
So how do cross-dressers make their mates, children and friends understand and not fear this "woman" inside their man? There is no easy answer except to educate our society on what a cross-dresser is, what they deal with and what they want. The first step is self-acceptance and being comfortable with being a cross-dresser. Children who never saw their father dressed are shocked and confused when they find out. They respond as their mother does, often defending her position of being a victim.
Making amends to your loved ones for the pain you caused them is a healthy step toward a better relationship with your wife, ex-wife and children. You certainly didn’t ever mean to hurt them, you were just being you. By acknowledging their pain, you are opening lines of communication for them to learn about what cross-dressing is and how it has impacted your life since you were a young child.
It’s like anything else, if you haven’t had experience with something in the past, like cross-dressing, you don’t know how to react. There is an enormous amount of fear that the husband and father they knew is not who they thought they were. Well, actually they are. He is a loving man who continues to care about his ex-wife and children and just wants them to love him back.
I have a cross-dresser friend who told his children when they were in their late teens. He said that one of his daughters was concerned when he said he had something very important to tell her. When he told her he was a cross-dresser, she cried and said, "Oh, dad, I am so happy, I thought you were going to tell me that you have cancer!" This really puts things in prospective.
We all have issues, some of us are bi-polar, others depressed, abusive, self-absorbed and selfish. There is no perfect person. The younger generation will accept cross-dressing as the older generation teaches them that they are not monsters, just cross-dressers who are also talented, smart and interesting people trying to live a fulfilling life.