Shades of Transgender

Shades of Transgender

I entered the world of Transgender in my first marriage when my then husband dressed up as a woman on Halloween. All in fun, I watched him transition from a masculine guy to a provocative woman. He appeared more comfortable in his skirt than a suit. It was evident that this was no game; he liked dressing as a woman. In fact, he liked it a little too much!

After that night, a week passed when he asked me if I wanted him to dress up as a woman. I was taken aback but said okay. He appeared wearing his black stilettos and a black lace bra. He had a hidden closet filled with woman’s clothing. His dressing desire continued through our seven year relationship, yet he never defined himself as a cross-dresser and acted as if this was normal. He became defensive when I didn’t want him to dress which led to hurt feelings and arguments. I was confused and conflicted as to his desire to dress.

Looking back, I believe he just wanted to be accepted for who he was. He didn’t want to become a woman, yet he needed to express himself in a feminine way. He was a straight, good looking guy who had many girlfriends over the years and three wives. So why did he want to dress in woman’s clothing? Conflicted over his need to dress, he never once said he was a cross-dresser, yet it was apparent he was.

Years have passed since the last time I saw my ex dressed as a woman, yet I have never forgotten the severe impact it had on our relationship and the complications that arose from it. I found out from his girlfriend that he would borrow her pantyhose and she told him to buy his own. He never expressed his need to cross-dress with her, either and expected her to embrace it.  Both of us were surprised by this event and perhaps would have dealt with it better if we were told about it early on in our relationship. This is quite common for most women involved with a cross-dresser.

Cross-dressing is still taboo in our society and much of it is done in secret, even though there many more people that cross-dress or consider themselves Transgender than you can imagine. Many are living in the shadows for fear of being ridiculed and losing their wives, children, friends and job. There are many shades of cross-dressers, from wanting to dress as a woman and still remain a male to believing that they were never meant to be a male and wanting to live their life as a woman.

My blog explores this world, where the lines of gender are blurred and because of the lack of exposure to this lifestyle it is feared and misunderstood. Join in the conversation as we seek a better understanding, acceptance and examine the current societal shifts. As Joan Rivers famously said, “Let’s talk!”

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