I always knew in the back of my head that growing up wasn’t going to be like I thought it was.
Maybe that was because most of my life my mom kept telling me to stop trying to be an adult and enjoy being a kid… or maybe it was because my overly observant and nosy young self could see the adults around me while they faced hardships and struggles throughout their own lives.
Yet, I was always the young girl wishing for someday.
My plans, hopes and dreams for my life started at such a young age. My mom says that I was a three-year-old planning out my life and bargaining with her on what outfit I wore for the day like it was a business deal. Honestly, I am not shocked by that story even in the slightest because I have always been one to negotiate for whatever I thought was right, in this case, being I was so going to wear the glitter shirt.
With the years of growing up, the dreams and plans got more vivid and set in stone. I knew what I had to do in each aspect of my life to get me where I wanted to go and there was nothing going to stop me from doing that.
I remember so vividly being in junior high and writing my daily journal entry in my English class about my future and imagining the college experience that I wanted - while most normal students were probably thinking about their sleepover on Friday night or their spring break plans.
Thinking back now I want to say to myself, “Dang girl, you weren’t even in high school yet. SLOW DOWN!!!”
And as much as I wish that young girl would have just enjoyed the present, I have no regrets because that is just who I am.
During the last three months, this crazy world has taken every plan, thought, idea and dream that I have had and either put it on pause or threw it out the car window - and I would be lying if I said the young girl inside me wasn’t filled with fear.
My thoughts for someday, which would have been today, just aren’t like that little girl had once dreamed. But what I have learned recently is that it is okay, I am okay and that little girl who is scared out of her mind will be okay too.
The conclusion that I have come to is that the little girl didn’t actually plan for life. She was so wrapped up in the thoughts and dreams of it all that she forgot that life happens, obstacles occur and challenges present themselves. In the scheme of things, it is okay because I truly loved how that little girl had no doubt that someday she was going to be somebody and that no matter what she was going to have the life that she had always imagined.
It was that little girl’s dreams that helped me become the woman that I am today.
The woman that understands obstacles and challenges arise and instead of sitting complacently she does her part to fix them, the woman that takes the situations that she has been given and makes the best of them and the woman that has seen how important it is to the count the blessings in her life because those are what truly matter.
So right now we might just be on a bumpy part of this uncertain road of life, but that is okay because that young girl still lives on in my heart and there is no way that she isn’t going to bargain or negotiate her way out of whatever comes next.
We will be just fine, I promise!
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