Balance is a living thing

Sometimes I add, but I forget how to subtract.

Sometimes I realize there is a lot I want to do, but only so many hours in the day.

Sometimes I remember that a brain can only hold so much, and that with every over-reaching "yes", I risk something falling through the cracks.

I support women who want to be all things, all the time, because I can relate.  I support them in being gentler on themselves because I know what guilt can do. 

We teach what we want to learn.

Like usual, I’ve been trying to keep up with all the old, while simultaneously taking on new.

And things are getting lost.

I am missing appointments.  I lose track of email.  I double book.  I need to be reminded that I said I would call.

I can’t keep it all in my head, and that’s frustrating.

Yes, I have a calendar, I have a checklist.  But sometimes it’s not enough.

So I notice, wonder, decide what to do.

First comes stomping, disappointment, and the internal “you should do better” dialogue. 

Followed by deafening quiet and self-compassion.

I work hard.  My intentions are good.  I want to cover all the bases.

But sometimes I don’t, and that sucks.

Balance is a living and breathing thing; it changes, it grows, it requires love and attention.

It requires humility, vulnerability, and the commitment to continuously reevaluate.

So today, while kicking and screaming, I accept imperfection. 

Yet again I am reminded to slow down, reprioritize, and say no when no is the right answer.

Again I am reminded that there is no magical place of perfect equilibrium where I get it all right, every time.

But I sure wish there was.

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