You're beautiful, but is that all there is...

You're beautiful, but is that all there is...

I was hanging with the new beau the other night and he said the strangest thing.  After countless discussions about women, beauty and respect, he said I think you downplay your beauty. I had to explain to him that beauty to me is not only fleeting, but it is so surface.  I'm sure I said something short on the lines of, well I’d rather know how to outrun an assailant in a dark alley if I ever needed to than win a beauty pageant!

To me, beauty has always been only the outer shell and trying to keep up or compare with the next gorgeous or pretty face in any given room is not only exhausting but such a (in Daily Show terms) clusterf**k of a mission!

I couldn’t figure out why I was so anti beauty or maybe being overtly sexy,  but I never bothered to find the most form fitting Jessica Rabbit outfit for work or the deepest V-neck top with just enough cleavage to tease helpless men or caked on make up or any of that. It was never quite my thing. I don’t chalk it up to some sense of maturity or I am so beyond the need to look beautiful (because of course I want to look nice), but my potential outer beauty was never something that I felt compelled to lead with.  I have a fun personality. I'm a tad (lotta) opinionated and I've been an athlete since high school and not a bad one 15 plus years later with an 8 minute mile.

Don't get me wrong,  there is NOTHING at all wrong with the Jessica Rabbit type.  Sex sells and diversity is key! However, the buxom Jessica won’t be the hot little Rabbit in err uugh 30 years (sans botox), so why all the focus on JUST THE OUTER SHELL? Let's pull back a few layers instead!

After a few days of really thinking about my feelings on beauty versus being potentially beautiful albeit--with substance, I remembered that somewhere around my freshman year, I caught the chicken pox for the first time. I had just turned 19. The chicken pox ravaged my otherwise flawless skin and it took my body a lengthy year and a half to rejuvenate from all the dark and blotchy patches specifically on my face.  During that time, I was taught a ton of humility and realized that the outer shell was truly surface.   It could be scraped, bruised, scarred and the only thing that we truly could hold onto was our inner shell which is what I like to call our substance.

I logged onto Facebook and I noticed an unusual profile picture of a Facebook Associate. The term Facebook Friend would be too much and a Facebook Associate is different than the term "associate" in real life because we have never hung out, but always smile when we see each other and I think she’s an otherwise cool girl.  However, I was ready to gag when I saw her most recent profile picture (in a two piece bikini), which is perfect for the September Chicago weather!

I was confused.  She’s a gorgeous girl from college.  She always has been.  However my first and I’m hardly jealous thought was, some people lead with their beauty way too much.  In my quite humbled opinion, doing so can diminish everything else.

I started to question if that REALLY IS ALL THERE IS?

In my new age, above 30 and still trying to keep it all together, the last thing I would want to be thought of is Just Another Pretty Face.

To me, that would be Pretty Boring.




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    In the world we live in, unfortunately it seems that beauty is all that matters.

    I mean - look at the phenomenon of Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman. While I'm truly not 'hatin' on their success, they surely aren't the brightest political 'stars' in the sky.

    But...they LOOK LIKE 'ladies'. They are the anti- Hiliary Clinton. Hiliary - Smart, Savy, Experienced, and Agressive - a seasoned former Republican turned Democrat - who had enough balls to run for president.

    Of course I was rooting for her until Mr. Obama came along....

    Nevertheless....Hiliary doesn't look like a 'lady'.

    Bachman and Palin - most of their recent political careers have been plagued by the media and they have truly been put in the most unappealing, undesirable, and sometimes, just plain stupid light.

    But damn do they have nice hair and fashion sense!

    You'll never hear Condelezza Rice called a beauty (sad but true). A lot of people won't get the chance to know her because she worked for George Bush or because she just doesn't look like a lady.

    I mean - Michelle Obama is hot!!!! But really, before her husband became president....Ummmmm...yeahhh....

    Hey - I'm all for metamorphosis......

    I remember when I was little , my granny said, "Pretty girls get rich husbands and ugly girls go to school ".

    Granted, I don't fit the "traditional" and "stereotypical" mold of Black Beauty - of course NOW I know I am beautiful nonetheless. However, I am very aware the various perceptions and ruling sticks that the outside world uses to measure whether I am beautiful or not.

    But, f**k them and their measuring sticks.

    But I'm not gonna lie, I did go to school. Just in case.

  • You are freaking hilarious!

    "Pretty girls get rich husbands and ugly girls go to school". That is priceless. Hell, I went to school too! You never know how things will work out -

    Thanks for the comment!

  • Y'know, I had a guy (in fact, I married him,) say the same thing to me. At first I was insulted, what did it matter if I wore this or that? However, what he was trying to say to me was rather complicated. He was trying to say this:
    "Enjoy who you are. Be comfortable. Feel free to dress up, to have fun, I am here to protect you. Be my Queen, and I will be your dashing highwayman, stealing your heart at every turn. Let the world see the beauty that I see in you every day. Don't be afraid to roar."
    We have been married for 17 years, and together for 21. He tells me I'm beautiful every single day (and I'm not!) and that's the thing- he tells me when he knows I need to hear it.

    If your guy is encouraging you to up your game in some way, he may know you better than you know yourself. If you guys have had countless discussions over this, maybe you're talking about this a bit too much and he's recognizing some sort of transition (or fear of aging or something) that you need to deal with that you haven't pushed yourself to do yet.

    I also think that guys wish that they could do what we women can do- that is to put on stage makeup and wear a "character" for a few hours. It's weird but some guys see that as a superpower. I thought I'd add that I think I'm in your camp, I went to an all-girls school and never really learned to enjoy wearing daytime makeup. On a daily basis, for me, it's a nuisance, really.

    However, I would encourage you to play the vixen every now and then, because, well, why the hell not? You are FABULOUS, JayKay!

  • In reply to BatGrrl:

    Thankfully, I do not provide links of my posts to the boyfriend. We are still learning each other and I'm sure you're right. He probably recognized something in me at that moment and felt the need to say that.

    It was a hard pill to swallow, but you're right, I felt nothing but genuine concern and adoration in the way that he said it, which was appreciated.

    I totally agree that men have gotten the shorter end of the stick with regards to recreating themselves. Women have so many options to choose from; be it the sexy vixen or somewhere in between. I'll have to work on tipping the scale to the former a bit more. Thanks

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