Apparently some people were upset that Serena Williams, and not a horse, won Sports Illustrated's Sportsperson of the Year award. While American Pharoah and its stupid spelling had an amazing Triple Crown year, the fact is he is not actually a sportsperson, or any sort of person, not even a horseperson, which I think is actually called a centaur.
But in the spirit that American Pharoah could even be considered for the award, I have notified the various academies of which I am a member and have changed my votes for our various annual awards. Apparently my changed vote has caused the outcomes of the awards to be revised as follows:
- National League Rookie of the Year: Bartolo Colon. In just his 18th rookie campaign, Colon won 14 games and helped lead the Mets to the World Series.
- Motor Trend Car of the Year: Uptown Bus #7516. Always dependable, always on time, always clean.
- Eclipse Horse of the Year Award: The Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa.
- Best Actor in a Leading Role: Donald Trump
- Grammy of the Year: Nana
- Miss America: Benedict Cumberbatch
- Tony Award: Tony Randall, as always
- NBA Sixth Man: Og, literally the 6th man.
- NFL Twelfth Man Award: Og, Jr., Og's son, and literally the 12th man.
- Nobel Peace Prize: American Pharoah
- Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year:
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