It's probably obvious I've been dealing with some romantic issues lately so what better than to SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD! Actually, it feels quite great to share it with the world, so whatever.
Anyways, in talking to a friend today, I realized there is a silver lining in this whole miserable situation. Do I miss watching bad TV with someone and eating tacos? Yes. (Note: I still do both but now by myself. Don't be shocked.) I miss having that first person I call when something good or exciting happens. (Note: I have wonderful friends who deal with my ranting of total BS. Usually it's something exciting like "I found a new entrance in the pedway that gets me to work 5 minutes faster!" "I heard Marky Mark on the radio today in my cab!" "My dunkin donuts coffee had JUST the right amount of cream and sugar in it!" Yeah, the stuff everyone cares about.)
Yet, at the time I met my previous boyfriend, I was still smoking. Smoking can be a tricky subject for people. Some people don't care if you do because they do, some people are ambivalent and it's just not for them, some people are repulsed by it. Since I was still getting to know my boyfriend, and wasn't sure of his opinion on the matter, I decided to buck up and stop. No patch, no nothing, just, stop. I figured, this is probably a perfect opportunity.
Oh wow, did that suck.
We spent most of that weekend together and were pretty much inseparable. I swear I could smell the 75 year old regular at the pub down the block in Bucktown smoking his cig from indoors and I wanted to go throw on my parka, stand in the blustery cold, and just smellllllll. But, I held tight, because I didn't want to hear that dreaded "You smoke? Can't do it", which I had heard from another person I dated a couple of months prior.
So, the days went by. That first week of quitting cold turkey was just a delight. Had I not been so enamored, I would have probably been throwing things (like my head) at my wall. I also think that I personally supported the entire Wrigley staff and their Christmas bonus with the amount of gum I chewed. I was nauseated. Shaky. But, happy.
Yet, it went by, and hey there, I quit. So, if we want to play the whole "everything happens for a reason" game, maybe this is why. My asthma has worsened even after quitting just due to, I don't know, my body not liking my lungs, and that whole melanoma thing really isn't helped by nicotine.
So, maybe, you know who you are, you've hurt me. It's been tough. I'm not going to pretend it hasn't. But maybe I owe you my life, because I am smoke-free. Have I not slipped up and had a cigarette here or there? I'd be completely lying if I said I didn't. Do I regularly smoke? Not even close. I have not bought a pack of cigarettes in as long as I can remember which is a great thing.
Point being- there can be a silver lining to bad situations, if you scope it out and have good friends to chat it over with. Maybe I am alone for right now, but I am alive and breathing well. And hey, now, according to the Old Navy preacher guy, am not going to hell anymore since I quit. (If he only knew about all of my other horrible sins. :) )