So, I am flying in a couple weeks out to California for a dear friend's wedding. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to fly, and by that, mean that I'd rather ride a tricycle there. Yet, that's probably not happening. However, I always anticipate who I am going to sit by on the plane and if it's going to make my trip more hellish or a pleasant, only mild panic attack inducing trip.
Therefore, here are six types of people that I hope not to get stuck to on the plane on this trip.
The "Talker": Look, I love to talk. That's great. However, I am on this plane to make it do my destination, not so you can show me pictures of your new Pomeranian or tell me about how you just relocated to a suburb outside of Pittsburgh and are so much happier since you now have a Chipotle near your house. Please, let me read Sky Mall and let me be.
The "Sniffer": It sucks. We have all had to fly when we've been sick. Just please, please don't sniff on me so that I am pulling a portable Puffs box out of my sleeve for the rest of my trip. Very becoming.
The "OCD": This is the person who opens the window, shuts the window. Opens it again- hey, guess what- there's still a bunch of clouds out there five minutes later. Shuts it. Then, this person also is notorious for "dinging" the flight attendant for really reasonable requests, such as an extra napkin because there is a crumb on the traytable, where they can review the safety features again just in case, or for extra ice in their 7up. You can deal with seven cubes instead of eight, my friend. I know it's hard. But you'll get through it. Oh, and, this person cannot decide on which temperature they want and then wind up fiddling with the air flow controller repeatedly blowing it directly in your face.
The "Nervous Nelly": I have to admit, this is me. But what's that saying again? Two wrongs don't make a right. So looking at someone else popping Xanax like tic tacs with a look on their face like the world is going to end upon take off doesn't quite soothe me. This person nervously grins at you while they are digging a hole into their seat with their fingernails and are strapped in their seatbelt like a rollercoaster. (Yeah, that seatbelt's going to save my life if we all go up in flames. Totally.)
The "Yep, this is a six hour flight and I will push my seat into your ribcage": This person immediately turns their chair in to a Craft-o-Matic bed as soon as the flight takes off, and you become a hostage. You and your knees become very good friends.
"The I drank four gallons of water before I boarded": The aisle seat has some advantages. It also sort of isn't pleasant when every 10 minutes you have your new best friend climbing into your lap getting out to go to the bathroom.
So, which of these lucky winners will I get as my seatmate? I'm betting on Nervous Nelly. Maybe we can hold hands and chant "Kumbaya" together.