Seven backhanded compliments to a thirty-something

So, let's face it. I'm not 25 anymore. Although, most of the time I wish I still was. However, time marches on, and, well, people apparently seem to take in in their liberty to critique your lifestyle. I am a full believer in do whatever you want that makes you happy in your life at that point.

Therefore, trying to seem complimentary when really being insulting is actually worse. It's kind of like that phrase my grandma used to always bore into my head- if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Here are some "compliments" I've received in regards to my "lifestyle".

1)   Wow, you’re lucky you haven’t gained THAT much weight. (Read: But don’t worry, honey, I see you’re no size zero anymore and you might want to look into mom jeans.)

2)   It must be so nice to live all fancy free in the city and not have to worry about kids. (Read: You’re probably a hussy flouncing around the city. FYI- I do not flounce. I overpay in rent because I enjoy civilization. And you know, that whole work thing gives me tons of time to flounce, I am just sitting at North Ave beach with a pina colada on a Tuesday afternoon.)

3)   You’re so lucky to have been able to try out so many different careers. When I was your age, I had had the same job for 20 years already! (Read: Your generation is flaky and so are you. At least we go after passions we love.)

4)   Oh you are so smart to have some of your furniture from IKEA., how economical. We spent SO much on ours from Room and Board. (Read: Is this a dorm room? So not mature. I'll be honest. I'd rather have my IKEA table and either save that money so I'm not living on the half couch found at Clark and Division when I'm 60.)

5)   Oh, you’re so lucky you can pull of that really, really blonde hair like the super young girls do!  My 14 year old daughter has that color! (Read: Are you preparing to become a cougar?)

6)   It was so nice of you to order us this expensive sushi! Back when I was your age, I used to know how to cook a 5 course meal, we never even thought to eat exotic foods like this. (Read: Do you own a pot or a pan because I am suspecting you don’t. And, I do own a pot and pan. I recently made healthy choice soup in it.)

7)   Wow, France and Spain, huh? That must be exciting! With your boyfriend too, huh? I could never have traveled anywhere with someone not my husband. (Read A: Why aren’t you married yet? and B: I am judging you. My boyfriend and I are quite content doing the grad school thing and having a very busy job, respectively, and enjoying our life in the city with our friends at this point. Deal with it.)

So there you have some of my favorite compliments I love to receive. Usually get one of these zingers at least once a week. Seriously folks, you could be a 22 year old raising a family and be the best parent on the planet, or be a 45 year old who just loves to live in the city and have a good time. Neither one is wrong! Why can't we let the age thing go and just get along as PEOPLE?

With that, I will go rest my computer on my IKEA nightstand and put on my secret mom-jean esque sweatpants.



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