Mirror mirror, on the wall...am I too fat, am I too tall?

That question in the title pretty much sums up my first thought of the day when I wake up. Usually I am a lot “lighter” (no pun intended) in my writing because I try to distract everyone from the real, horrible crap that’s going on out there. (Hint to the haters- if you haven’t picked up on that, well, here is your BIG TIP.) But, today I’d like to get a bit more serious and discuss a big issue that is affecting many of our young people-eating disorders-and let you know that it is a slippery slope that anyone can fall down. Quickly. And let you all know that it can cause irreparable damage physically, mentally, and personally.

To quote on of my favorite authors on the subject, Marya Hornbacher, “Once you fall down the rabbit hole, you never come back.” (Might not be the exact quote, but it’s close, and I wanted to credit her for it as she is a great author and describes what it’s like to live with an E.D. in perfection.)

So, here are some of my thanks towards “someone” that has been my “best buddy” for the last 20 years- E.D.

Thanks, E.D., for making me completely self-conscious of my body from the age of 10. I’ll never look at it the same again. I can be 100 pounds or 200 pounds and guess what- you still make me feel disgusting. I look at myself as the chubby kid who got made fun of constantly. No matter if I am a walking skeleton or a healthy, fit woman, it will never be good enough.

Thanks, E.D., for making me isolate myself from family, friends, and significant others at many points in my life. Thanks for making me act selfish, bratty, and ignorant of others’ feelings. I am sure they really appreciated that. Actually, I lost some friends and significant others due to you. So, again, thanks.

Thanks, E.D., for already causing me problems with both my teeth and esophagus. I know it’s really glamorous for the dentist to tell you that you have the gum health of a 70 year old when you’re 25.

Thanks, E.D., for making me a shady bastard at public dinners when I would have to “excuse myself” to the bathroom and disappear for 20 minutes. Yeah, that doesn’t look suspicious at all. People either caught on to what was happening, thought I was a raging cokehead, or thought I apparently had to take a horrible numero dos. All of the options are really glam.

Thanks, E.D., on that note, for driving me to take entire packages of laxatives in one day so I’d feel “lighter”. Yes, lighter, but who cares about that pesky thing like dehydration to the point where you fall over and pass out? Don’t worry, your size two pants still fit. Everything’s fine. Those pants look good on you when you’re lying on the floor unconscious.

Thanks, E.D., for making me one of those people who weighs myself every day and judges the day on the number. Only certain numbers are safe, remember? And if you’re over that number, well, be prepared to deal with a cantankerous biatch the rest of the day. That is a deal breaker.

Thanks, E.D., for making yourself really popular in the media spotlight. It’s really awesome when people rip on a woman for being a “fat size 6”. Yeah, that’s huge. Someone get this woman to Jenny Craig, immediately. Great message we are sending to our youth. Unless you are able to fit in clothes from the kids’ section, you are worthless. It’s normal for grown women to do that.

Thanks, E.D., for tempting me to start smoking. And I did. And then I gave it up and put back on the weight I was trying so desperately to lose for you. What a win.

Thanks, E.D., for making me an asshole for having this stupid issue when there are people who are in need of food, starving, NOT ON PURPOSE, but out of need, and I am turning away meals or getting rid of them. I’m a really upstanding citizen.

Point of all this being, how can we prevent our young people today from developing these behaviors and falling into that “black hole?” I would do anything to desperately save my son or daughter from falling into this as soon as I recognized any of these behaviors. So please, go give yourself a hug. You look good. And I am going to have a bagel now, so go piss off, E.D.

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    Amy Litterski

    Born and bred Chicagoan. 30-something. Married to this guy I met 14 years ago at a Northwest side block party. Have a dog. Never thought those words would be in a description about me. University of Illinois alum. I've loved to write since age 4. I have some samples, they are pretty impressive, I promise. I enjoy coffee and hot sauce too much.

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