Festivus for the rest of us: Oh, the people you'll see.

Update on Festivus for the rest of us: Oh, the people.

So, I went to Taste of Randolph tonight hoping it would not be as rave-tastic as Do Division. It wasn’t. But, after a long chat with one of my best friends and some great people watching, it was determined there are classifications of people you see at festivals. Some are more particular to certain neighborhoods; however, I think there is a recurring theme with most of these folks.

 1)   The “I really need to go home” girl

This girl has been at the fest for a bit too long. She is a little stumbly, looking around for where her friends have gone, and is clutching a half empty glass of (overpriced) beer. She looks lost, dazed, confused….and wobbly. Her fellow sorority sisters have disappeared (aka, she wandered off chasing a guy she knew was a fill in the blank frat at her Big Ten school) and now she is alone. (Disclaimer as in last post….in past years, this may have been me. Apologies, once again.)

2)   The “I can’t get service” guy

This guy is also alone, similar to above post, and is furiously texting on his iPhone trying to find his buddies. He is swearing out loud to anyone who will hear and is exclaiming “BUT I HAVE 4 BARS”! But no luck. He’s also a little lost. Maybe he and “I really need to go home” can share a cab since there is no chance in hell you will find your friends in this disaster.

3)   The “I’m going to navigate this crowd of fools with my stroller” parent

Look, I don’t hate kids. I actually really like them. However, I would not bring my kid who is still young enough to have a stroller to a fest where they are playing blaringly loud music, people are ashing their cigarettes everywhere, and beer and watered down sangria are being spilled everywhere by all of the patrons. Do you really want your kid wearing a glowstick necklace while playing with his Thomas train?

4)   The “I’m overdressed but I don’t care” girl

Ok. I’m not saying I go to festivals in an old t-shirt looking like a scrub. Of course, I like to dress up nicely. However, this is not Studio Paris. It is an outdoor festival at 6pm. There are not “real” bathrooms. And you are wearing a dress suitable for a night out in Miami with stilettos. Maybe you’re going out afterwards and I’m just an ass for judging you. Or, maybe you’re overdressed. A tad.

5)   The “Broski” group

This group is inevitable at every festival. Four dudes, polo shirts, maybe some plaid shorts….maybe salmon colored shorts (hey, by the way, girl who needs to go home probably would enjoy talking to you) drinking beers, talking smack about everyone they see.  “We should have just gone to Benchmark!” is a common phrase heard. They are probably checking out #4 above.  (Disclaimer #2….I may have hung out with Broski group before. Just saying.)

 6)   The “What day is it?” guy

This guy needs to probably drink some water. As mentioned in previous post, he is wearing some form of neon tank top and is dancing to either the cover band that is playing or…to…his own beat...in his...mind. Hey, at least he’s having fun.

7)   The “I wear my sunglasses at night”  girl or guy

Yes, those glasses are very becoming. On a bright, sunny afternoon. However, the sun set 3 hours ago. I don’t think they are necessary anymore. Unless you have a vision problem, then I am sorry for offending you. Otherwise, I am pretty sure you probably don’t need them anymore- whether they are Tom Ford or a pair of pink plastic ones from one of the vendors.

8)   The “We are better than all of this nonsense” couple

I actually don’t blame them. They are probably better than all of the nonsense. They walk, holding hands, the female of the couple wearing a nice long sundress, looking judgingly at all of the aforementioned.  “Why didn’t we just go to a nice quiet place tonight?” or "Why didn't we just order from On Demand?" is usually heard from the female in the couple, with a scowl. Again, I don’t blame her.

So why do I still attend festivals, you ask?  I seem so full of angst towards them, right? But no. I go, because I get to watch all of these people. And it’s still fun, in some way. I actually love them. I’ve been there, done that. And as we all know, takes one to know one.

Filed under: Uncategorized


Leave a comment
  • Great observations... That's funny you mention Benchmark: I'm new to Chicago and my cousin (twenty-something) took me there last night before the Aziz Ansari show. You sound like a fun person to visit a festival with. There's soooo many here!

  • Love your last two posts on the festivals in Chicago. I'm new to Chicago, but it's funny you mention Benchmark. My cousin (a twenty-something) took me there last night before the Aziz Ansari comedy show. I'm sure a festival with you would be fun times.

  • You missed the Hoopsters, which are like kinda like the Broskis except they wear bball jerseys (no undershirts, hi pit hair!), are possibly a little younger and snuck in their own beer. Talking smack about everyone else around them still applies. :)

  • Kinda of going with reason #3...people who insist on bring their poor dogs to every fest! The poor pups are getting stepped on, getting pulled through crowds and the music is too loud of their ears.
    Take your dog for a walk before you go out to any fests and your pooch will be happy to stay home waiting for you!

Leave a comment