So, for anyone who has lived in, visited, or just passed through the Gold Coast, we know it’s a very interesting area. For a variety of reasons. Which, I am about to get into below. I will give a full disclaimer I have uttered some of these phrases (ahem, some of the bratty sounding ones)..... but mainly, I have overheard these during my day-to-day life after being a six-year resident of the area. (Happy anniversary to my Gold Coasted-ness June 1.)
“Dude- I got a great deal for rent on this place on Dearborn.”
“Oh really? Like how great?”
“Oh my God, like, only $1200 per month, I actually sort of have a bedroom separate from the living room and only $200 for parking. Amazing. And I even have a dishwasher!”
Yep. Great, great deal. Sadly, wait…that is sort of a great deal.
“Why does the Clark and Division red line stop always smell like (fill in the blanks here with “unclean bathroom”, “cat urine”, “corpses”, “dead animal”)?
I’d like to know too, my friend.
(Circa 12am, Friday evening)“Oh sh*t- we are going to miss our last Metra back to Aurora!” (said by drunk 18 year old clearly using a fake ID to get into Shennanigans on Division)
Yes, yes, you are. I hope you enjoyed your evening. Get going, Dad is waiting at the station back home to pick you up.
“God, I really hate this Jewel. I wish we were closer to that nice new Dominicks.”
Agreed. That Jewel should have been on my “Places I’d like to avoid in Chicago” list.
“So like, Danielle can’t meet us at Tavern until 9 because she is having dinner at Sunda with Rose. I don’t know. She’s so annoying lately. Sorry, but EVERYONE is wearing colored denim and she thinks she’s the first. Hers probably aren’t even JBrand. But we could so like sit outside at Dublins and wait for her? Or go have a margarita at Blue Agave? Whatever. The scene there has just soooo gone downhill lately.”
Word to the wise: Don’t start your evening at Blue Agave with a Margarita. Delicious, deadly, you’ll be in your sort-of one bedroom apartment by 10pm.
“$8.50 to park for an hour? Are you out of your *$*#&$#$ mind?” (as guy nearly kicks pay box after paying meter)
The pay rate is really absurd. Hence, I walk now.
“You’d like outdoor seating for brunch? Yeah, the wait for that is now about an hour and a half.”
Looks like we’re going to Starbucks.
(This actually was said to me, verbatim, from group of guys just, uh, hanging out)
“Hey lady, where are you heading? No? You’re not going to talk to us? No? Why not? You can ring my beellllllllllllllll ring my bell." (Sang in the disco tone)
I honestly had to walk away at warp speed because it made me crack up.
“Pardon me, miss, can you tell me where Michigan Street is?”
As the urban planner insides me slowly dies, I nicely direct the people east and go on my merry way.
And, for now, the most reprehensible one I can think of:
(Group of dudes at somewhere in the “Triangle”, sitting at a table with an expensive bottle of whatever)
“God, I’m so glad the wives aren’t here!” (High fives all around)
And, God, I’m glad I’m not your wife.
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