Chicago is a great city. So much to do, so much to see. However, after living here, well, forever, there are a few places I'd rather not be if I can help it. The list below just begins to describe some.
1) The Comcast “Service Center” on North Ave. This place is like entering the depths of hell. I’d rather listen to a radio from 1988 than sit here and wait for my turn for any sort of help with my fancy services. I know anyone that has been here will agree.
2) The Howard Red Line “El” Stop. I don’t know what it is, but this stop is just particularly looney tunes. Not saying that all of the red line is basically a compilation of crazytown, this particular stop is just unreal. I don’t think I’ve ever A) Gotten offered a job as a “promotional model” (very legit) B) Almost gotten run over by a skateboarder and C) Got told by a guy that the world was going to end in 12 days within a period of four minutes.
3) This cab:
4) The pickup “circle” at O’Hare. I guess shame on me for being a nice friend and offering to pick you up, but your flight is always delayed. And then I wind up, literally, driving in circles for 45 minutes while getting berated by Traffic Management Authority workers if I stop for 13 seconds to look for you.
5) Michigan Avenue on a Saturday afternoon. I love my city, I love shopping, but look, you CANNOT stop in your group of twelve in the middle of the sidewalk to discuss whether you are going to Ed Debevic’s for lunch. Please move.
6) The DMV at the Thompson Center. Ok, yes, is it my fault that I lost my identification last night? Yes. Is it my fault that I show up and I am given number A465 when they are on number A234? Probably. Do I need to be berated by the employees there while waiting? Probably not. Do I need the guy sitting next to me while I wait tell me “I smell good?” Absolutely not. It’s called a shower, it works. Miracles.
7) Any fast food restaurant in the Loop during the lunch rush. Dude, it’s not that hard, pick the turkey club or the tuna fish and let’s not keep us all waiting for 3 hours. Thank you.
8) Any new trendy restaurant in River North where you do, in fact, have a reservation, yet you are confined to the bar for 45 minutes drinking the latest version of some pomegranate martini. I called ahead for a reason.
9) The tow lot on California. I have a friend who legitimately heard a guy say “Keep the car, it’s worth less than what I’m gonna pay to get it out.” Should have called Victory Auto Wreckers.
I love my city, but I don’t recommend any of these locales. More to come. Anyone have any suggestions?
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