Texts from..last night, this morning, yesterday afternoon….whenever. A sampling of the good, bad, ugly, and just plain funny- Part One.

So, we all know that no one actually talks on the phone anymore, right? Everything is communicated via text. Thank God for that since I have an iPhone, and can barely even make any phone calls. Here is a sampling of some texts I’ve received and text exchanges that I’ve been a part of. Blatantly out of town area codes have been blocked to protect the (not so) innocent. In certain instances, times are also noted to fully convey the context of the text. Try saying that fast five times in a row. My texts are highlighted in bold.

 (I just love the name too much to not use it as a reference point)

(847) I’m just as insane as Beezow Bizzity Do Wop Be Bop or whoever that guy is who got arrested in Madison to put up with it so it’s my fault.

I’m very particular about choosing what insane people I compare myself to.

 (With a friend that also enjoys purchasing expensive items)

(847) I just got my tax refund automatically deposited. How do I not spend it?

(847) Hahaha this is like asking Oscar Meyer how not to eat a hot dog.

(847) Your response to that question is the exact reason we are friends.

I am probably not the best person to advise anyone on finance.

 (This is someone’s brain, on vodka.)


(***) Hey, you out?

(847) Um, I’m about to go to sleep. Thanks for the 2am text though.

(***)Oh, so u don’t wanna meet?

Ok, we've all been there, right? Everyone sends some dumb things as the evening progresses. However, there are many things wrong with this. First of all, I made the mistake of responding. Second, it’s 2am, no, I don’t “wanna meet”. Lastly, this person is in a field that requires a great deal of intelligence (which involves the health and well-being of others) and used a phrase like “u don’t wanna meet” as if we are sixth graders on the playground. Fail.

 (A typical Saturday night)

(6:43 pm)

(951) Are you on your way?

(847) Yes! I’m actually gonna be on time! Great success! Leaving in five!


(951)5 minutes? Haha!

(847) In your elevator.

Clearly, my definition of 5 minutes meant about 45 minutes. My friends just adore this about me.

(After going to Lake Geneva and having this tradition for years, this was particularly distressing to hear.)

(847) Houlihan’s in Lake Geneva is gone! They changed it to Sprecher’s Pub.


(847) The Mayans were right. The world is ending.

Without Houlihan’s in Lake Geneva, where will we go now? This is a tragedy. And, as I stated, a sign that the world is coming to an end soon.

 (This is repeatedly sent to a variety of people)

(847) I’m an idiot.

Self-explanatory. This could be ranging from a variety of topics from struggling in grad school to….many other topics.

 (Well, someone had an exciting night out!)

(773) I just got a goodnight kiss from a random waiting in my building driveway for a cab???!?!!??!

Just a regular night in the Gold Coast, apparently.

(In regards to being sick of running into people I really don’t care to see)

(847) If I move anywhere it’s going to be like, Billings, Montana.

(847) You’d be bored, no?

(847) I’m going to move away Unabomber style.

For Chicago being as huge as it is, it is REALLY a small, small city sometimes. It really amazes me.

These are just a few of the many tidbits stored on my phone. What did we do without texting? Oh wait, that's what AIM was for. Blondichic29 for life. (Great "screen name", right?)

Filed under: Text messages

Leave a comment