How do you know if you are married to the right person?

How do you know if you are married to the right person?

How do you know if you're married to the right person? There is no short answer, unlike what the picture suggests. The image was shared from the Above Rubies Facebook page, and asdfjklasdfjkl....

Sorry. I had to stop myself, because this post is not about Above Rubies and the issues I have with it.

Deep breath.

No. This post is about this particular picture and quote.

You cannot know if you are married to the right person just because both of your names are on the marriage certificate.

Let me repeat.

DON'T LET THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE BIND YOU TO A BAD MARRIAGE.

Yes. Unlike what some people think, there are bad marriages.

Abusive marriages. Marriages that were built on a lie by one or both people.

Marriage takes work. That's no joke. There are going to be tears, struggles, disputes in the middle of the good stuff. Sometimes you'll wonder whatever became of the good parts of marriage. It is more of a contract than ♥true love forever♥disneyprincessblah♥ , with someone you like being around and can come to mutual decisions with, someone you can enjoy life with, someone to help you grow as you help them grow.

So how do you know if you are in a good marriage?

As I said, there's no short answer. It's kind of an ongoing thing. There are some things that I think are good, though.

  • You enjoy spending time together, because you're together
  • You know when to give each other space, because you're separate people with your own hobbies
  • You play to each others' strengths, and support the weak parts, and it kind of averages out to what you can handle
  • You can talk about the difficult stuff, and you know when to take a break
  • You come up with a way to talk about difficult stuff to avoid it becoming a series of frustrations
  • When someone has illnesses (mental/physical), they are actively willing to get help as is possible
  • You both are concerned for each other, and will work to make sure both get self-care time
  • You know how to use I-statements properly
  • There is an absence of abuse and neglect

Basically, you care for each other, you talk to each other, and you don't hurt each other.

That is how you know you are married to the right person. Not just because your names are on the certificate, but because you both care about each other in healthy ways.

This is probably my favorite comparison of what is healthy and what is not.

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